1. One of my dear friends, who was on her LAST PICC TREATMENT, got an infection in her IV, and she’s now fighting for her life against kidney failure in a hospital 10 hours away. I can’t visit her, I can only send her words of encouragement, but I am scared shitless for her…and for everyone else in her position (including myself, because that’s one of my major treatment options), because when your immune system is already compromised, having pets becomes a risk. Hell…having carpet in your house becomes a risk.
2. Another friend of mine was just diagnosed with Lyme after being bitten about a month ago. She came over to buy that corset, and she’d mentioned she’d been bitten by a tick, and I demanded to see it. She had THE RASH. The fucking HOLY GRAIL of diagnoses…she was one of the lucky ones. And she got Babesia (which bursts your white blood cells…it’s like malaria for your immune system…very helpful, that disease), so she’s basically been ordered to rest as much as possible while they pump her full of medication in the hopes that she doesn’t have lasting effects. You know how she got it? She went on a night hike, checked her clothing and skin for ticks, and then…fell asleep in the clothes she’d worn for the hike. That’s a big no-no. She didn’t notice the tick until about 24 hours later (it was an undershirt, I suppose), and her skin had already begun to turn red and rashy. When she showed me that rash, I went all “Mom” on her and ordered her to see a doctor. I’m so glad she went. I’m SO GLAD she went. I can’t take many more of my friends being sick.
3. I GOT MY IGENEX TEST BACK. I am POSITIVE. I have the paperwork to prove it, I have proof that the CDC’s methods are damaging, and were they to try to sue me if I tried to get disability (which might be a real thing during treatment), I could point out that I’ve never had a vaccine and came up positive for the “vaccine-only” titers, and they wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. In addition, my antibodies have given up, indicating that I’ve definitely had it as long as has been assumed – 16 years. 16 YEARS. How can I not get angry at that?
ANYWAY, on my way to get my IGeneX test results, and what I thought was my first round of antibiotics, I learned from the gal at the front desk that the doctor called in, that day (Tuesday), and that they were sorry, but I wasn’t getting treated any time soon. I had an “unofficial” appointment…I was IN THE SYSTEM. They called his other patients, but not me. I’m not important enough, I guess. I doesn’t matter that we drove through tornadoes and torrential rain and got lost…because “whoops” is all I got. I go back on the 31st. The doctor is getting a piece of my mind with regard to his staff policies for making appointments. Because clearly, they done fucked up.
4. I’ve had two (maybe three? I don’t know, yet) seizures in the past few days FROM STRESS. One was in front of a good friend, who told me later that night (this was Tuesday as well – yeah, I got so angry at the clinic I had a seizure), that he finally understands that it’s a BIG DEAL for me to go places and smile and live my life at all, because of all the bullshit I have to put up with. If at least one person in the lives of those with Lyme thought like that, this disease would be so much easier to handle.
5. One thing Carrie didn’t point out is that transmission of Lyme sexually is possible, though rare. And I know a couple it happened to – the guy had it,the girl got it from him. It’s shaped the same as syphilis, and if it can get anywhere in your body, it stands to reason it can hang out in your testes, and be jet-fired into another victim. That’s the same reason pregnant women can pass it to their children.
6. I have two people right now that I can physically count on to take me where I need to go and whatnot. I have to start a full-time job in a week, and I have NO IDEA if I’m going to be able to do it. It’s temporary, so I can save some money, but still…no clue. None. I’m so scared of screwing it up by just having a massive brain fart – and my brain? May as well have eaten chili every day for at least the past 5 years. I rely on muscle memory for a lot, because actual thinking? It’s hard, dude. It’s really hard.
You know what? My surgery? The fact that I will never have kids, even if I change my mind (which, hilariously enough [/sarcasm], has happened several times in the past month)? Is from Lyme. My adrenal glands aren’t functioning correctly because of Lyme. I’m on thyroid medication because of Lyme. I can’t sleep because of Lyme.
In fact, I’ve slept 3 hours in the past 48. Again.
Want to be this glamorous? Go walking in the woods without bug spray, and roll around in some tall grass. It will then only take 12 hours for you become a Lyme Superstar.
You’ll love it just as much as Carrie and I do, I’m sure.
I’ve been keeping Jennifer and Erin updated on my situation, because they specifically requested it, and because, frankly, it’s easier to write a personal message to someone right now than to write a blog post.
But write a blog post I must, because the shit? Has hit the fan and covered absolutely everything.
I messaged Jennifer and Erin in a panic this morning because my bank account (which I’ve been keeping rabid track of the past few months because of the surgery…I’m usually casual about it, but haven’t overdrafted in nearly two years, which is a BIG DEAL to me) had a rather large amount ($350) in parentheses…you know, as I wrote to the left…which means a negative balance.
After my initial “WTF?!?”, I scoured the records, compared them to mine, and realized that while my May bills had cleared juuuust fine (the usual ones – storage unit, car insurance, etc.), and while most of my medical bills had cleared (I’m still sitting on that $370 lab bill and my $150 ER bill, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford those until my job – yes, job, I’ll get into that in a minute – started), there were two that went through late, and they went through simultaneously, and one of them was unwelcome/unknown (I didn’t have it on my withdrawal list, because I didn’t know it was going to be withdrawn).
The first was the $280 for the IgeneX test (the non-uber Lyme test, which is the only I could afford, and honestly, I couldn’t really afford it, but figured I’d be okay if nothing else big went wrong in the next month…bwahaha), and the second was an auto-draft from my Lyme doctor for the thyroid test they’re doing (because something is WRONG with my med doses…my sleep schedule is way off) which was nearly $300 (juuuuust noticed that one, actually – THANKS, GUYS!).
Anyway, here’s the message I sent to Jennifer and Erin, because y’all might as well just know everything that’s going on…this is what my blog has become, anyway (omg the spelling errors – in my defense, I’d been up for hours and was not in a good frame of mind):
Got another medical bill, and the IgeneX Lyme text [sic - test] overdrafted my bank account to the tune of $350 when it was all said and done (my bank gets…testy when you overdraft, even if you haven’t done it in years, and it’s been quite a while, for me). I’m supposed to have gone in for my 90-day “I’m not a drug-seeker” check-up at my GP for my regular prescriptions this past week (I was going to wait until this coming Tuesday), I have a follow-up appointment on the 31st with my Lyme doc, and then the next appointment with my surgeon on July 1st. I was hoping to be able to make it through the first two weeks of my job without issue, and when I did my bank balancing the other day, everything calculated fine, but then the IgeneX went through, and I don’t know if I mis-calculated or missed something entirely (anything’s possible when you’re on enough medication to kill a small child), but BAM, here I am with a bank balance of -$350.
My bills for May are paid, my job starts at the end of this month, but the medical bills are what pushed me over, and I won’t receive my first paycheck until well into June, at least a month from now. The job will literally be enough to pay my regular bills and medications, because I’m on so many, right now.
As for donation goals – apparently the sky’s the limit, because I don’t even know any more how much they’re going to keep charging me, nor what they’re going to charge for the next one, or if I can even afford to HAVE the next one, even though I’m on my second week in a row of heavy bleeding for the second month in a row, and the D&C was supposed to prevent that from happening*. I called about the other bills, and apparently the lab bills are because the surgery was considered “elective” – so the surgery itself was covered (because my insurance company recognizes the cause for it, and that there were complications), but the biopsies were considered superfluous (because zomg it was only scar tissue…apparently if it was cancer or a hernia, it would have been covered by insurance), and therefore able to be charged. My gynecologist charging me more for one of my visits was because they made a referral. Etc., etc., continue bureaucratic BS.
[I've omitted a section where I panic-named all the things that I have to pay for in the next 4 days, because it was hysterical-sounding. Essentially, I have medications that need refilling, misc. expenses that don't amount to more than $10, but are still necessary for next week, and two doctors' appointments that I need to have soon in order to continue to receive some of my necessary meds for nerve issues, as well as to get my yearly pap smear, which they obviously can't do right now, but needs to happen in the next week or so as follow-up to the surgery, as well.]
Sorry to spew all of this. I’m seriously panicking. I needed this surgery, and I’m glad I got answers from it, but apparently it just wasn’t enough to be prudent and try to cover the bare minimum. I need help, and I need it ASAP.
I am so embarrassed. I never thought this would happen. My “superfluous” spending amounts to $70 – half the cost of my Galaxy Tab that my boyfriend and I went in on for my recovery so I could read and do stuff without worrying about sitting up in a desk chair or having my laptop on my surgery site, and ONE $10 game on Steam that someone on my gaming stream donated for me to buy.**
I’m trying to form a blog post that won’t sound so panicky***, but I haven’t slept in 28 hours (I think it’s my thyroid meds…another doc visit to adjust, naturally, because this is my pattern, lately, to be up for nearly/over 30 hours and then sleep for 15, which will make starting the new job REALLY interesting), so everything I write sounds like, “FEED ME, SEYMOUR” when I really just need to say, “help?”
So…help? I don’t know what else to do, and this falls under the umbrella of medical expenses. I’m desperate. Again. I’m tired of being desperate. I actually have to see a therapist due to unforeseen emotional complications of my surgeries, and I can’t even afford the gas in my car for those initial free sessions, so just imagine a string of expletives for the rest of this message, because I’m out of coherent things to say about this.
*I’m not supposed to be having periods for the two months after surgery. I was supposed to bleed after my D&C, I did, it was weird, and it was over. I bled for two weeks. It was not pleasant. Then I started bleeding last week, and this week it has continued, getting heavier and being filled with clots. This is “danger zone” bleeding, and indicates that my surgery in July is no longer a choice – it’s happening, and it will likely be a full hysterectomy, because my uterus is reacting abnormally to everything and doing the opposite of what my surgeon said was supposed to happen.
**I don’t count food or toiletries as superfluous, but in the interest of full disclosure, I bought toothpaste, shampoo, menstrual products, toothbrushes, soap, and some pajama pants so that I wouldn’t have to wear the same pair every day while recovering. I could go on, but the food portion is limited to soups and applesauce and some snacks for when my stomach decides to be a little bitch. Yeah, I’m living high-hog over here. Oh, and I got a hair cut and some cheap home-dye, again with money donated by someone who watches my gaming stream.
***Not sure if I’ve succeeded, due to the inclusion of this message.
Okay, so now some of you are probably wondering, “Wait, JOB? What’s this she’s talking about?”
5 years ago, in 2008, some of you may remember that I worked at CREP over the summer. It was a typical temp summer job, paid like a typical temp summer job, and was desk work. It was easy, low-stress, and pretty much every summer since I worked there, I’ve been contacting the guy I worked for (my dad also happens to work there, but he’s in a different department, in a sense, so nepotism doesn’t apply, nor would I feel comfortable accepting it) to see if they needed any editing or anything.
I was contacted about a project wherein a bunch of teachers (yeah, I’m not technically a teacher yet, but they know me, and they know my attention to detail) are going to be grading open-answer tests via rubric to see if teaching methods in a certain school system are working for a group of middle schoolers for their science classes. This would last one month. I was totally fine with it.
I was THEN contacted AGAIN with a, “Hey, would you be interested in a full-time temp job? We have more than just the rubrics, and we’d like someone we know and trust.” The job consists of the same stuff I did back in 2008, just for different projects. Of course I said yes. I’m going tomorrow to fill out the paperwork for the final HR stuff, and that’s that. I start May 28th. The first month, I’m doing the above rubric stuff. Through September, I’m doing whatever editing, grading, reviewing, researching, etc., that they need. They’re also allowing me to edit from home for the two weeks I’ll be out of commission after my July surgery. Given how long it took me to recover from THIS surgery, I’m hoping the next one won’t be so bad, mainly because the scar tissue impeding the natural swelling cycle will be gone…as will most of my uterus, very likely. Pain? Yep. But sitting on my ass on the computer is something I do, anyway, so I might as well get paid for it.
So again, this will help with my regular bills, but this next surgery is major. Jennifer wrote about it, and I’ve already received several donations (and again, HOLY CRAP THANK YOU) which are almost enough to get my account out of the red, which is a huge step in the right direction. Now I just need to be able to scrape by until the second week of June (when I will get my first paycheck).
THEN, in mid-June, comes the BIG PUSH (no pun intended, given the surgical area) for the surgery funding. Anything between now and then will, obviously, be put into the fund. But as I said – this is code blue. I don’t know what to expect, and clearly even with insurance, I’m as well-off, surprise-wise, as someone without insurance.
So…again…any help is good help. I will do what I can with my job to be as frugal and prudent about my expenditures as possible (my radiator is leaking and needs to be replaced, so that’s an expense I can’t skimp on), but I’m once again humbling myself to ask for help. I was told to do so (ordered, really, and you don’t argue with Erin and Jen), and I hope you guys won’t see it as some sort of awful habit.
Upper left – notice the new text around the plush uterus. I have a new goal, a new date, and a strong need. Even if you can’t contribute, please spread the word. Again, I’m at a loss for what else to say when it comes to stuff like this, so I’ll just shut up, now.
While others’ Revenge of the Sixth probably involves hangovers from Cinco de Mayo, mine involves not having slept in over 24 hours.
I watched three episodes of “House” this morning/afternoon while working out with my 2- and 5-lb hand weights, and my 2.5-lb ankle weights, and even used my imitation Thighmaster for my upper arms and abdomen (did you know you could do that? YUUUUP). Then I switched out my laundry, folded and put away what I could, and now I’m sitting here feeling like I’m going to pass out, but just completely unable to do so.
Why am I so wired, while being so exhausted? Working out normally would have been my kryptonite, especially right now. What on Earth is going on, here? I should probably check some drug interactions. I’m willing to bet my ATP fuel and my thyroid meds have something to do with this, despite all of the “downers” I’m on post-surgery. :-/
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my Monday. If anyone needs me, I’ll probably be laying in bed with my eye mask on for the next 6 hours. I don’t know if it will do any good, but I might as well try.
I’m going to be so sore tomorrow. BUT I WORKED OUT, DAMN IT. That has to count for something!
Y’all, I’m taking 44 pills per day right now. It will reduce to 37 after a month, and then to 32 after two months. Then I don’t know what’s going to happen.
Here’s the list, along with what it’s prescribed/recommended for (and there are a couple I still need to get, because I ran out/haven’t had a chance to get them, yet):
ATP fuel (supposed to help my mitochondria, chronic fatigue): 10 per day for 2 months, then 5 per day thereafter
Lisinopril (blood pressure): 1 per day
Clonazepam (anxiety): 2 per day
Valium (post-surgery, to relax the muscles and keep them from pulling on the scar tissue): 4 per day until Autumn
Cytomel (thyroid): 3 per day
Nystatin (anti-fungal for systemic candida): 6 per day for four weeks
Nizoral (anti-fungal, stronger, for systemic candida): 1 per day for 2 weeks
Temazepam (restless legs): 1 per day
Rx Anaprox (joint pain): 2 per day
Rx Motrin (muscle pain): 2 per day
D3 (deficiency): 1 per day
Potassium (leg cramps): 1 per day
Diphenhydramine (sleeplessness, allergies): 4 per day
Melatonin (sleeplessness): 2 per day
Zyrtec (allergies): 1 per day
Milk Thistle (liver supplement): 2 per day
Ogestrel (birth control, regulate cycle, etc.): 1 per day
And, of course, when I start my period week after next, I will be on Lortab, and will take 4 of those per day for 2 or 3 days, then one per day until the cramps go away, but those are PRN (as-needed), so I’m not really counting them, lest I get depressed.
I still have to get an adrenal booster, as well, and I’m not sure how many of those I have to take per day, but I’m betting it’s 3, because supplements like that overload you at the beginning and then pull back (like the ATP fuel).
44 pills. I have to set alarms on my cell phone to remind me to take them, and the ATP fuel makes my stomach hurt, so I have to eat with it, which just stinks.
Most of the doses are low on the things that could impair motor function and whatnot, thank goodness.
After looking at the list, written out, I’m just amazed that my liver is in good shape. Now I want to see what my kidneys looks like.
The only character who remotely resembles themselves is the Nurse Practitioner, who is, BTW, the one I had to report a year ago for abuse.
This represents the past two years of opinions, except for the LLMD – that was his reaction on Wednesday when my second test came back negative, without ANY Lyme treatment at all. So my blood is being sent to IgeneX (I couldn’t afford the uber-test, because my bills and all of the medications I keep getting put on are costing way more than even I anticipated, and I usually try to prepare for the worst…and $260 is more than I can afford right now, as well – fun stuff!), and I’ll have THOSE results in 3 or 4 weeks, at which point I’m going BACK to the LLMD to see what the hell I’m supposed to do.
He thinks I probably do have Lyme. But without the positive test (the local tests don’t count “partial” positives as anything…they say that’s a negative, while IgeneX counts them, because even a partial means something’s there), he can’t do anything.
So…I’m pretty fucking depressed right now, and I don’t know what to do. So I draw bad comic-type brain-vomit about how I feel, and now you get to see what one of them looks like.
On my streaming channel, I’ve officially reached over 200 followers (212, to be exact). I started streaming video games on December 11, 2012. It’s been nearly 5 months, and a good chunk of those followers came to be in the past few weeks, when I became a part of a streaming group called the Laidback Gaming Society (I’m decidedly NOT laid-back when I game, but apparently that didn’t matter, because they invited me, anyway). The times where I cast certain games has begun to put me on “featured streamer” lists, and some pretty big names on Twitch have started visiting and following. It’s a trip, and it’s something that’s added a lot of much-needed fun to my life. 200 people think I’m worth dropping in on at least once in a while to watch me screw around with video games while cursing and being silly. That’s pretty damned cool.
I have my follow-up appointment today, post-surgery. I’ve developed a weird patch of dry skin on my abdomen, and a random spot in my lower abdomen is tender to the touch. The top of my thigh is still doing the nerve damage thing, as well. We’ll have lots to talk about…and we’ll probably talk about scheduling another surgery in June or July while we’re at it. I will update you guys on that…since several people have talked about helping me to fund this complete surgical journey (which…wow, thanks…that’s just awesome), I will post as many details as I have when I find out the specifics of what he wants to do. I know, partially, but the whole story will hopefully be covered in an hour.
Some issues with Wasband have come up as a result of this surgery. The pain is reminiscent of some shit I was going through back then, while also being abused by him, and while I have hinted at it on Facebook, I didn’t want to say exactly what was going on, but I’m going to try to seek some help for it, because I apparently have a lot more mishandled rage than I knew. Every pang in my lower abdomen was driving me closer to losing my shit, until I figured out why. Now I just want to fix it. So, you know, happy thoughts and stuff.
I have come to the conclusion that I won’t be able to return to classes until possibly October. I’m pretty upset about this, but not as much as I am about the incomplete work for my last class. I got overwhelmed, let things creep up, and now I’m looking at taking a class over again. Since Memphis City Schools and Shelby County Schools have merged, though (much to the chagrin of pretty much everyone in the County’s former district, because the city schools are…well…let’s just say that Teach for America has made Memphis a pet project), I’m not sure I want to continue my education in this city, for preparation to teach in this city. I am certain that I don’t want to return to CBU – too many bad memories, and the program really doesn’t have a lot of pull, which means the students get shafted out of opportunities for practice far too often. So we’ll see what I can do. I’m going to talk to another couple of schools around here to see what’s up, and that’ll be that.
I have to get ready for my appointment, now, but I’ll update later with more details.
To me, this is grosser than my surgery photos, but then again, I’m a science nerd, not a coprophiliac or whatever the spelling is for people excited by poo. (By the way, Firefox’s dictionary wants that word to be “necrophilia.” You’re welcome.)
So I’ll give you a minute to change your mind.
Okay, you still want to read about my problem? Fabulous. Here we go.
Part of the thing that was a red flag to me about my condition is that when I had to poo, I had menstrual cramps. That ain’t right. That’s why I was in pain for most of the month, with the worst being the week of my period, because in addition to the poo pain, I was constipated because of painkillers. IT WAS AWESOME, YOU GUYS.
Anyway, that’s why I pushed so hard with this surgery. It’s why I was so miserable. Pooping should be a relief, yes, but the relief shouldn’t be such that you’re doubled over in pain just because your body is doing what it’s supposed to. Frankly, there were times when a fart could put me in the fetal position…because my colon is compressed by my uterus.
Of course, I didn’t know exactly what it was until I had the surgery. I suspected, but you never really know, especially when all of the damage is at the freakin’ TOP of your uterus, where no one can feel/see it unless they’re inside your abdominal cavity.
I used to enjoy a good poo. I don’t know many people who don’t…they may be afraid to poo in public, but when they’re home, they take magazines and books in, or their smartphones or tablets or whatever, and relish the experience by treating the toilet like a lounge chair. I didn’t quite go that far, but you know how cats will run around the house like insane circus performers after they poo? Yeah, I always felt pretty awesome after a good BM, and coffee could usually be counted on to keep me regular.
I’ve stopped drinking as much coffee, because seriously, my truce with the toilet was over. I don’t know what Forrest thought about that, but he must have noticed. Foods that had any possibility of irritating what I thought was IBS were avoided. I was adapting to the pain.
So now, I have had the surgery and found out what’s going on.
I spent several days so loaded down with painkillers that even if I had to go, I couldn’t feel it. The surgery/anesthesia affected me going to the restroom, as well…even peeing was difficult for a few days, but I managed.
It took me 4 days after surgery to have a BM. If I was having a hysterectomy, they would have insisted I have a BM before leaving the hospital…I’m kind of glad there wasn’t any pressure, there, but then again, they probably give you stuff to make you go.
ANYWAY, because I was still on the painkillers, I wasn’t really bothered by anything except the timeline. Four days is kind of a long time.
Well, after that, when visiting the toilet started becoming a game of, “Seriously? That much pain, and nothing?”, I began lowering my painkiller dosage, because I knew they were causing a good bit of the issue with dehydration.
Now I take one if I absolutely need it, but am relying on my NSAIDs for the most part.
My surgeon told me, “there’s no need for you to be in any pain after this procedure, so don’t be afraid to ask for more medication if you need it.” At the time, I was comforted by his words. I was relieved that someone wanted me to be comfortable, without saying something like, “Well, some pain, you’re just going to have to put up with.” That shit’s annoying, even though it’s true.
I don’t think even he realized the scope of the problem. It breaks down like this, from what I understand:
The scar tissue’s still there. That hasn’t changed, and isn’t going anywhere until someone goes in with a scalpel and corrects it.
Thus, the problem is still there, as it was before surgery.
Add some inflammation to that. Add some swelling.
So the areas around the scar tissue are still swollen (I can tell this because of my lower abdomen’s shape – it’s still not back to normal), but the scar tissue can’t stretch to accommodate.
Now, when nature tries to call, the inflamed bowel (which is probably narrowed in addition to everything else, now) tugs on the scar tissue, which tugs on my inflamed uterus (and ovaries…they’re all attached, remember), causing ZOMG SO MUCH PAIN.
The physical properties of nature’s calling are such that passage is nearly impossible, causing ongoing ZOMG SO MUCH PAIN.
I’ve tried everything aside from straight-up laxatives or an enema. I’m about to do the former, and just prepare myself for an evening of “fun,” because I’m curled up in bed right now, composing this while laying on my side with a heating pad on my lower abdomen. I can’t do anything. My quality of life is impacted because my freakin’ bowels are impacted.
Never, in a million years, did I ever think that my biggest problem would be having to poo, and literally not being able to. NEVER.
So now you know why I’m not writing many blog entries, why I haven’t sent out cards, why I’m kind of subdued, why I’m not doing my gaming stream (for those of you from there who follow this blog – and BTW, I’m sorry, but if you unfollow me, I totally understand), why I’m not participating in anyone ELSE’S gaming stream (which is what I would be doing, anyway, when not gaming myself). It’s why I’m not recording my vlogs. Why I’m not answering emails. Why I’m just laying in bed watching entire series on Netflix while playing solitaire. Why I’m, frankly, a little depressed, right now.
I wasn’t kidding when I said my quality of life has been impacted. My leg’s numb at the top, and the feeling’s coming back with quite a bit of nerve pain, and even that is bearable compared to my lower abdomen, right now.
So my follow-up visit is probably going to yield a lot more interesting things than just a “how I’m healing” update. Stay tuned for Monday afternoon’s post. I don’t know if I’ll feel like saying anything else between now and then.
First of all, I would like to say that I’m just as pissed as many of my friends that this happened, that I would like to see the living brother tortured for the rest of his days for what he took part in. My anger is real, it’s strong, and it’s not going away anytime soon, for a multitude of reasons…but not all of those reasons have to do with the bombing, but the reactions I’ve been seeing.
1. Beth Israel hospital is a Jewish hospital. Putting someone of Islamic faith in there isn’t doing them wrong – it’s respecting their First Amendment right before trial. the two are very similar, which is part of the reason they hate each other so much…”if the Jews would just change this ONE THING…” “If Islam would just stop doing THIS…” It’s a pissing match, sure, but the hospital’s main religion served wasn’t a slight toward the bomber – we’re doing him a solid on that one, and I’ll tell you why I’m not upset about that in my next point.
2. ALL CITIZENS ARE ALLOWED DUE PROCESS, even the dickweeds and morons. People on our soil who commit crimes are tried by our courts. You can’t it both ways, bitching about drones killing our citizens and then saying that this terrorist shouldn’t have a trial. You just CAN’T, and say that you support our Constitution. That makes you a hypocrite.
3. Rachel Lucas posted a video, and while I have to say I was pretty appalled by it, at the same time, THAT’S how those boys were raised. Their mom’s a nutcase, so they’re nutcases. I’m not saying “respect their culture, you guys!” or anything of the sort (though, honestly, you should respect the culture of the folks who AREN’T trying to kill you). I’m just saying, perhaps we should, you know, realize that they’re human, they have a mother, and she affected their upbringing and viewpoints. You can’t treat them like they’re sub-human, because at that point, it becomes a fantasy fight…it becomes a flag-waving, hat-wearing rodeo of “we’re human beings and they’re not!” which leads to mob mentality, which leads to use looking like bigger assholes than we’d like while also overlooking REAL problem-causing folks. That “sub-human” mentality is just the other side of the coin from “super-human,” and that’s not a fight anyone’s going to win. “Us” vs. “Them” always has two sets of losers.
I will also note, quickly, that my parents are both a little nuts, which led to me being a little nuts. The key difference is that my nuttiness isn’t facilitated by anger. Those brothers were taught that their anger was healthy and justified, because of their religion. I was taught that getting angry means the other person has won. I’m somewhere in the middle on actual practices of expressing anger.
4. HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS, FACEBOOK PHOTO FORWARDS AREN’T GOING TO CHANGE ANYONE’S MIND. I’m completely serious, here. You know how you always just “hide” the photo your uber-liberal (or uber-conservative…I’ve done both) friends post to sensationalize what’s happening? Yeah, they do the same to you. You’re shouting in space, and space is a vacuum.
5. THE NEXT PERSON WHO MAKES THE BLANKET STATEMENT THAT ISLAM IS A RELIGION OF HATE IS GETTING BLOCKED OR UNFRIENDED, depending on the venue. Let me explain this one a bit more: their culture has some peculiarities that I don’t care for, which is why I’m not Muslim. Do women get the short end of the stick? Yes, because Islam is backwards as hell on human rights, and also because they do practice some violent tendencies. I’m not defending the bad aspects of the religion…but Christianity has some doozies, too, particularly here in the Bible Belt. Most of my spousal abuse suffered at the hands of Wasband was due to his religious upbringing…and he was Baptist. Don’t you DARE say that Islam’s the only religion that treats its women like shit, because I will kick you in the teeth through your router and show you some scars I have, just for good measure. Yes, they’re not exactly open to other religions, but you know what? Neither are most Christians…and some of them are violent about it, too.
6. The pressure cooker jokes are in poor taste, and frankly I’m surprised at some of the people making them. I get the jokes – I’m not an idiot – but is it really necessary to post a bunch of dialogue about the item that was used to remove the legs off of athletes, kill children, and scare the ever-loving shit out of hundreds of people? That TN senator that started it is a douchebag, and frankly, so are the other folks making memes out of it. If you’re passing it around, I don’t think any less of you as a person, I’m just kind of disappointed.
7. Just about the only thing that really got a rise out of me during this whole thing was the armored vehicles in pairs and trios going down residential streets, with the guys in the turret seat pointing rifles at citizens in their windows.
They’re leading their sight with their gunsights, and that’s a giant NOPE. I’m glad they took Bomber McTeenager alive, but the Boston PD doing that irritated the ever-loving shit out of me. Those ends did not justify those means, and y’all know it. Congratulations on catching your man, BPD, and I mean that. Just watch out for Rule 3 and Rule 4 next time you take your toys out to play.
That’s just a big ol’ bag of NOPE, right there. Here’s what you do in the wake of something like this: You say a prayer for the family, you donate to the cause, you live a good life, and you try to help facilitate RATIONAL changes.
We’re not getting anywhere bad-mouthing this guy any more than we are bad-mouthing folks from other political viewpoints that we don’t like. It is what it is. It’s happened. He’s in the hospital awaiting trial, and his mother’s bat-shit crazy. THAT’S IT.
Also, when you forward snarky photos of politicians and the like, you look like a shallow asshole who can’t be arsed to write their own opinion to share, which kind of makes me not take you very seriously.
You also look like you’re another person who’s of the opinion that YOUR rights are the only ones that matter, even if you believe otherwise. They say pictures speak louder than words – well, memes and jokes speak much louder than a blog entry or a status update when it comes to how willing you are to stand behind your own words, not some goofy photo from a group called, “Conservatives are God’s people” or some shit like that.
Disagree all you like – as long as you don’t personally attack me (and I’ve not pointed anyone out, aside from linking to Rachel’s post, and that was just so you could watch the video and read the comments, because quite a few of them are less than rational), you have the floor.
LADIES (and whatever guys may be interested for whatever reason) – **CORSET FOR SALE**
This is a Frederick’s of Hollywood corset, black, that I got on sale for $30+shipping, but I ordered the wrong size (large boobs = fail).
I’m asking $30 to recoup my costs, but it normally goes for $60. It’s good quality (I’ve had one previously that lasted me many years, after my friend sold it to me, and the only reason I don’t have it, now, is because someone borrowed it and didn’t return it), the laces hold well, and with good positioning, you can wear it all night with no issues.
It’s a “size 38″ according to the Frederick’s site, but measures 32″ around at the center when fully laced, so if you have a 32″ waist to a 38″ waist, you should be able to wear this. It does have fabric allowance for boobs in the front, so it won’t smash you flat – it actually lifts them up and holds them in place. Anyone from an A cup to a DD should be fine with this (and the tighter you lace the top, the more your girls are going to, uh, “stand out”). The garters at the bottom are removable.
[It also comes with a G-string, which hasn't been touched, because ew, but if you buy the corset, you're getting it, and you can do whatever you want with it.]
Please let me know if you’re interested, COMMENT HERE, so that I can go in order of people who’ve replied. If you don’t live in Memphis, I’m asking an extra $5 for shipping. If you do live in Memphis, we’ll meet up and do an exchange.
The first photos are of the actual corset for sale. The last two are of me wearing my older one, in 2007 (I was a size 12, 34DDD), to show how it fits…it’s the same style.
So my right upper thigh/hip have been numb since I had my surgery.
The feeling is coming back , very slowly and painfully. Currently, the area around the edges feels like a burn, with bruising, and the middle of it feels like there’s a layer of rubber on top of my skin…I can’t feel anything but pressure, and not much of that.
The pain I initially had the surgery to diagnose is far worse now than it was, before, because of surgery inflammation.
I’m running out of painkillers, even though I’m taking fewer than I’m supposed to, because they didn’t prescribe me enough to get through to my follow-up (29th), which is making me having to deal with more pain than I should.
My incision sites are okay – one of them popped a bit yesterday, but I bandaged it and it closed itself up again.
It’s difficult for me to walk because of the issue with my leg, and I’ve essentially been told to just deal with it, which is fine (I figured that’d be the answer, so I’m not at all angry), but it’s still making me a bit miserable.
I can’t go anywhere for fear of not being able to walk the whole time I’m there, or fear of suddenly having horrible pain (the kind that makes you freeze up like a deer in headlights because you’re sure that if you move, something’s going to burst). It’s like I never had the surgery, except of course I did, and they couldn’t fix what was really wrong, so the post-surgical issues are layered on top of the pre-surgical issues.
Thus, I am a little stir-crazy, my sleep schedule’s getting way off, again, and the great news is that I get to do all of this again in August. Possibly sooner. And it’s going to be worse because they’re going to be cutting and removing a lot more. Whee!
The pickle? I’ve paid my deductible, and am now in the “10% of the procedure” zone. The next surgery, because of all of the scar tissue, includes a partial hysterectomy…possibly a whole one, depending on, again, the scar tissue.
I’m just…worried, is all.
That’s not likely to stop until this is all finished…and whether that means hysterectomy or excision, I suppose we’ll find out in a few months, eh?
Until then, I’ll try to keep this updated, but I seriously don’t feel like talking about much, because, well, all of it is kind of negative, right now, only because the pain’s messing with me a bit.