I feel like I owe an explanation, at least for future reference.
I’m up to a little more than 100 regular readers per day. I think that’s awesome. What I *should* be doing right now is coming up with new and interesting posts to keep their collective interest, so that perhaps I can make that number bigger.
What I WANT to do is just shut this thing off and go lie on my bed for a week.
I’ve been bad about posting lately - either not posting at all, or posting fluff.
That art therapy post? I made it private because of a couple of comments I received that REALLY pissed me off. I mean, the art is abstract, so you see what you want to see - but you have the power to not type something that you think could upset someone, and the fact that I said my paintings were therapy for me should have tipped you off that some comments just aren’t welcome.
And the reason I’m doing so many paintings? I mean, three in one night is a pretty big number for me. Particularly three that I don’t want to change in any way. That’s rare. That means that something was accomplished by me painting them, if only in terms of getting some sort of feelings out. I only paint when I’m feeling something very strongly, and my paintings make less sense the more upset I am.
Well, I’ll just come out with it - I’m a little depressed. By “a little” I mean “could the world just go away for a while and let me sleep?”, and by “depressed”, I mean “would it look bad to have a crying fit in biology?”
The winter is wearing me down, even though it’s been a relatively mild one, and school is wearing me down, too. I’m always distracted, not getting anything done, and I have no motivation left to force me to “do the right thing” when it comes to school. I * should* be writing a lit review that’s due on Tuesday. What am I doing? Wasting time making icons for my livejournal, and turning photos of my nephew and my cats into macros (which, while fun, isn’t very helpful).
Next week is Spring Break. I have, as I mentioned before, a house guest coming. I need to clean up (the house, except for the kitchen and living room, is really getting bad, and I need to find someplace to put a week’s worth of luggage), get myself together, and just make it until this Friday night, when I will be able to just sit around and not have to worry about anything but getting up in time to get to the airport at 11am the next day.
So blogging might be light. I’ve been burning up my livejournal, but only because those posts are locked and not available to the public, and I’ve had some things I’ve wanted/needed to get out without some random commenter (sorry, you know I love comments) calling me “emo” or otherwise adding insult to injury. I know I’m emo. You don’t have to tell me. Particularly when I’m BEING emo, which just leads to MORE emo, which is just a bad time for everyone involved.
I’m sure the posts will pick up during Spring Break, as my guest and I are both blogging geeks, and he’s essentially flying down here to sit on his butt all week (just with a change of scenery). And eat catfish - we can’t forget the catfish.
So…yeah. That’s about it. School stress, a very specific health problem rearing its head again, and not getting enough sleep, not necessarily in that order. I’ll be around, and I should be able to keep up with you all (though there are a lot of you, and you all post a lot - where does it all COME from?), but if I don’t…well, don’t hate me.
bah, commenters suck ass anyway. Myself included.
My thoughts….. you don’t owe anything here, least of all an explanation. This is your place…
As for comments… I enabled ‘moderation’ and only let on the ones I want to see again some day. Otherwise… ‘Delete’ has a very final ring to it.
Understand on the mood…. really do. From both sides. The thing is, you clearly fight it and move on with your life. That is worth everything.
I know that talking is probably the last thing you want to do.. and hiding away from the world is what you really want to do….
But if you want to talk…. Just squeak in my direction.
You know how.
Squeaky, next week will take care of itself, and the fallout from that class you can deal with at a later time. If you need to lock the doors, pull up the drawbridge and just be for a day or 2 then do it. Anyone who doesn’t understand, well “F” them. The rest of us will understand.
Oh, and as for people leaving negative comments about therapeutic paintings, they’re a–holes. Sadly, now that there are no consequences more and more people are feeling that it is acceptable to be an a–hole. Ignore ‘em, anyone who would insult a beautiful, cool chick like you isn’t worth paying any attention to.
Assholes abound everywhere. That said, I think your blog kicks ass…”fluffy” posts? My ENTIRE BLOG is nothing but fluff! Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Aw, Squeaky, wait till you get to be _my_ age… You do seem to have more problems than I had when I was your age, even more than I thought I had when I was your age.
Hey, at least yer not pushin’ 60!
I do wish you well, Miss!
Blogging should always and only be done for the enjoyment of the blogger. It ain’t a job.
I agree with pdb - we’ll be here when you feel like posting, and otherwise, don’t make it a chore - that’d kill all the fun. I’m sorry someone had to be dickheadly about the art post - some folks simply can’t stand to see other people enjoy themselves. I’m guessing jealousy is more than a small factor in that case.
I’m thinking it was a good thing you didn’t take that job as super in that opera - you’ve got enough on your plate as it is. And I think you need to not be so hard on yourself. YOu’re fabulous– way fabulouser than most– and you’re going to be fine. When you come back from Spring Break, you’ll be that much closer to summer.
Oh, and I was going to email you this, but if you want any of those opera scores I mentioned, I’ll just mail ‘em to you - changed my mind about even trying to sell them - I don’t have time to fool with all that.
Feel better, and don’t worry that you’ll be forgotten here - you won’t.
As my friend Sean Bianco says, ”Don’t work so hard, don’t drive so fast and as always …keep opera in your heart.”
If by Friday you still need a boost, check out Sean’s show Friday Night at the Opera, which is one of the only, if not THE only, remaining deejayed opera radio programs in the country.
8pm Pacific to midnight. That’s 11pm for you, I think.
http://www.capradio.org/programs/programdetail.aspx?programid=30
1) Don’t worry about being deep. This is blogging. It’s supposed to be fun. Any deepness is purely a side effect. For feck’s sake, the best post I’ve read so far this week was about a trip to the veterinarian.
2) Emo?!? Who cares? You’re in college. You’re supposed to be emo.
Take a deep breath. Maybe go to the range. Enjoy your houseguest. :)