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Dear neighbors,

I’m still not entirely sure which one of you feels the need to defend the size of your junk by firing your weapon (not a euphemism) at odd hours of the day and night, but would it be too much to ask for you to NOT do so before 8am?

Oh, and continue to keep the muzzle pointed away from my humble abode.  This house is drafty enough without extra ventilation.

Have a wonderful Monday.  I know mine’s started off with a bang.  Har,  har.



Dear Carpooler,

Seriously, your ride drives up at the exact same time every weekday morning.  Why you can’t either wait outside for it, or why they can’t go up to the door to fetch you, is beyond me.

At approximately 7:14am every morning, I am startled awake by a single blast of a car horn, and that really fucks with my head.  Please grow up and stop being so GD lazy.



Dear Cyclist,

Does this neighborhood have an inferiority complex related to the size of their junk or something?  WHY must you rev your engine and squeal around the neighborhood several times before leaving on your way to wherever it is you go during the day?  We all know you have a motorcycle.  (Actually, it’s more like a glorified crotch rocket, but I’m afraid if I insult your vehicle like that, you’ll drive through my front door.)  You keep in on your front lawn with a tarp beside it in case of inclement weather.  You take such good care of it, and that’s certainly nice to see.  However, how about saving your acrobatics until you get home in the evening, when most of us will be awake to appreciate it, rather than being awakened and wanting to slash your tires?



Dear Roaches,

Fuck you.  Die, already.


Dear Squirrels,

Stop having babies, so that I can get rid of you.  You’re all Democrats, aren’t you?  You think that “it’s for the children” is an acceptable excuse for maiming my garage roof, right?  Well, nuts to that.  You’re going down tonight.  I’m sick of this.


Dear readers,

Happy Monday.


3 comments to Dear neighbors,

  • sidhedemon

    i’m so glad you’re you.


  • Turk Turon

    Squirrels, eh?

    They HATE the smell of mothballs and will move away to avoid the smell.

    In the spring, though, if they’re inside your house, they will probably move outdoors to a nearby tree. Once they’re out, use poultry screen and a staple gun to prevent them from returning in the fall. It’s a lot easier to wait for them to voluntarily relocate than to try to force the issue and risk having a dead squirrel sealed up inside the house. Pe-yew!

    ‘Course, if the squirrels have motorcycles yer skrewd.

  • Loved your posts this evening! It brought a smile my face, which caused my son to ask why the big smile. LOL!!!!!