An article from an Australian news source has a male midwife (that just looks weird…but midhusband just looks wrong…hrm) that says that the pain of childbirth is the only way for a woman to bond with their baby (or babies, as the case may be), and that epidurals are an epidemic.
It’s time to break out another episode of:
First of all, this is a guy.
He has no idea what the pain of labor feels like, and no idea what even a period cramp feels like.
Now that that’s out of the way, I’ll continue with the rest of his statement.
I’ll agree that epidurals are over-utilized. Numbing your body from the mid-back down can have some serious consequences. To wit, a friend of mine had a baby in Korea while her husband was stationed over there – I believe I’ve mentioned this before. She had an epidural, but it was faulty, causing her to not only feel everything on one side of her body, but she now has lasting nerve damage.
Sure, lots of women have epidurals without ill effects. Lots of people have no allergy to peanuts, too, but we still have warning labels on every freakin’ food product that could have possibly come into contact with a peanut at some point in history (including packages of peanuts, for fuck’s sake). Why? To prevent lawsuits. Everyone will talk about how pregnant women should avoid eating too much of certain foods in order to avoid an allergy developing in their baby, but not many people will talk about how birth procedures can have ill effects on not only the mother, but the baby, as well.
If you’ve ever had a dental procedure done that warrants numbing, you’re familiar with a nerve block.
If you’ve ever chewed the shit out of the inside of your cheek and/or your tongue due to the aforementioned numbing, then you’re aware of just how hard it is to control the parts of your body which are numbed.
Before I go much further, I’m going to clarify something: I have such horrible menstrual cramps that my legs stop working due to muscle spasms. I’m aware of how much pain a woman can be in, and how much pain in the “girly bits” can affect the rest of the body. I’ve spent nights vomiting up even the tiniest bits of fluid, desperate to keep anything down, unable to move from the bathroom for hours. When I lived in St. Louis, I started keeping a large towel in there for the express purpose of covering myself up when I would lay on the bathroom rug and try to sleep in-between puke-fests. It sucks, and that’s putting it mildly. So I’m not trying to belittle anyone with this next thing I’m about to say – I’m just voicing my opinion from my perspective, as someone who’s dealt with monthly pain for the past 14 years that I’m willing to bet would rival the labor pain of some women (at least, from the stories I’ve heard):
Put on your big-girl panties, ladies!
I’m a big believer in the squat-and-push method of childbirth. Gravity is our friend. A baby “drops” before birth because that’s where gravity is pulling it to position it for its journey out of the womb. Putting a woman on her back pretty much negates the whole point of the way her body is shaped. Hips don’t spread for better traction on delivery tables, folks – they spread to allow a baby’s head through. Incidentally, you shorten the length of the vaginal canal when you squat – you’ve probably noticed this phenomenon during intercourse. If you haven’t, well…try it with a consenting adult.
The shorter the canal, the faster the journey for the baby’s head.
If you don’t have the leg strength to squat, there are special chairs that are basically birthing toilets – you sit on them, you push, and there you go.
Laying a woman on her back is one thing – laying her on her back and then numbing her so that she doesn’t have control of her muscles is really, really stupid. Sure, your body pretty much knows what to do – ask anyone who has to take a shit really badly what happens when you try to fight it to the bitter end: eventually, your abdominal muscles will win. But isn’t it better when you sit down and let nature takes its course with a few grunts thrown in for extra measure?
(Yeah, I’m comparing childbirth to taking a shit. You’ll get over it.)
I totally get it that it hurts. It sucks. You’re, as Kirstie Alley put it in Look Who’s Talking, pushing “something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon,” and holy shit, what a visual. Ever watch a video of childbirth? It’s enough to make me want to sew my vajayjay shut.
And yeah, women tear. I get that you want to try to reduce at least THAT part of the pain. I’m not a fan of episiotomies, either…the human body, when it’s injured in such a way as to tear itself, will usually tear along a natural stress point, and will heal better than a cut, at least in an area that is so densely-packed with nerves as the “gooch”, as it’s called in less-cultured circles (of which I am a part – hey, at least I can admit it).
Either way, whether you tear or you’re cut, you’re going to have some stitches, some more pain, and you’re going to have trouble wiping your ass for as least a week (they give you a squirt bottle for the purpose, BTW, which I somehow find hilarious). Frankly, I think I would rather experience the tear, which has got to be the worst of the pain, so that the stitches are nothing more than an annoyance during healing, and not a separate pain all their own with nothing else to compare them to.
Then again, I’m kind of strange when it comes to things like that. When my rotator cuff goes into a spasm (it’s been torn, scarred up, torn again, scarred again, etc., ad nauseum), I actually look forward to the part where the pain is the worst, because after that, it’s all good, and anything after that point feels like a relief. The endorphins afterward feel like a rush of warmth through the upper region of my back/neck. It’s pretty awesome.
To get back on topic a bit, I also understand that there are special cases. Another good friend of mine had twin girls, and she had what is known as a “high-risk” pregnancy. I’m fuzzy on the details, but I think there was something having to do with her narrow hips, along with the fact that most pregnancies with multiples can turn out badly if you’re not careful. Due to these issues, she had to have a C-section, but she waited until she was actually in labor to have it, rather than scheduling it to fit her life.
C-sections (particularly scheduled ones) are an entirely different monster, and I won’t talk about them today.
Needless to say, however, my friend had to have an epidural before having the C-section.
Think about that for a second.
A nerve block so powerful that major abdominal surgery can be performed with no pain and very minimal sensation of pressure – how is this viewed as commonplace and “okay” in childbirth?
When did childbirth become viewed as elective outpatient surgery?
Before you ask, no, I don’t intend to have children at this point in my life, if ever. First, I’m not all that sure if I could if I wanted. Second, there are some fucked up genes in my pool, and I’m not all that thrilled about the prospect of passing them down. Third, I’m in-tune enough with myself to realize that I’m just a wee bit selfish, and the thought of having a small human rule my life from the hospital onward doesn’t exactly thrill me.
So yeah, I can say all I want how stupid I think it is for a woman to elect to have an epidural when she hasn’t even tried anything aside from laying on the bed with a contraction monitor strapped to her belly, because, much like the male midwife in the article, I have yet to experience it.
However, I know a problem when I see one, and the current attitude toward childbirth is a SERIOUS problem. That much, I definitely agree with.
When someone walks around, squats and grunts, uses the toilet chair, and has no improvement for a couple of hours, you can tell me you’ve tried everything you can think of.
Until that point? Quitcherbitchin’, and cop a squat, Sis.
the squirt bottle is AWESOME! Oh, and that’s how Mary gave birth to Jesus, the squat method. They tied a rope or rag to something up high and she held onto it and pushed. Makes sense. Unfortunately both places I have given birth did not offer that option and the closest place that was available for stuff like that is about an hour and a half away… and I’m not going to stay at home and wait for an ambulance if anything goes wrong. Oh well… maybe next child. Oh who am I kidding, I’ll still opt for the epidural LOL I’d rather have less pain and make it through the crappy staff any day. woo hoo!
I understand the limitations – as I said, it’s the attitude toward childbirth that I’m railing against, that it’s a disease that should be gotten over with as quickly as possible. Lots of hospitals treat it that way, and many doctors will still ignore your birth plan if it doesn’t fit into their schedule.
If a woman opts for the epidural, obviously it’s there, and you shouldn’t be forced to go without if you really want it. I’m mostly irritated at people who go in, have a few contractions, whine, get the epidural, the end. Labor can be slowed down by the epidural just as much as it can be slowed down by laying on your back. I just feel like maybe we could nip a few problems in the bud by allowing women to walk around and find a comfortable position for pushing, ya know?
What I’m about to say will sound hypocritical, but it’s actually not.
I agree with some points of your argument. I do think some methods of pain relief are over-used in labour and childbirth. I certainly think episiotomies are often performed to hurry the birth up, when it (and tearing) could be avoided with more patience and more working with the body.
I, however, chose to have an elective c-section – not to fit in with my schedule (what schedule?), but to avoid some problems the doctor was concerned I would encounter with a vaginal birth (as it turned out, I developed severe pre-eclampsia the day of my c-section. If I hadn’t had my baby that day, I would have passed out and ended up in ICU, with great risk to my life and Josiah’s As it was, my kidneys almost failed anyway… but that’s another story).
But I made what I believe was an informed choice, and I think that makes a difference. Many women go into the birthing suite with no freaking idea, despite ante-natal classes and the like. They think they will have an epidural, lie on their back, have the episiotomy etc because that’s just how it goes. They don’t have a full understanding of all their options, or even of what their own bodies are capable. They’ve never been encouraged or supported to write a birth plan, or ask questions, or even feel like they can disagree with something their obstetrician says.
I was hoping to have an active labour vaginal delivery with minimal pain relief. When my doctor voiced his concerns, I did a LOT of research. It wasn’t a decision I came to easily or lightly. But I did what I felt was the right thing for myself and my child. And I feel that is what informed choice is about – that someone does their research before making a decision.
C-sections and epidurals exist for situations where natural childbirth would cause harm to either the mother or the baby. I guess I didn’t make it clear enough that I understand those circumstances.
And you’re right – as I mentioned to Andrea, the problem exists in the system surrounding childbirth – it’s treated like a disease rather than the huge, life-changing deal that it is. Hospital maternity wards in the U.S. look just like any other ward – except that the beds have stick-figure pregos on the side, and stirrups hidden at the foot of the bed. Movies lampoon the process. It just sucks that people aren’t more well-informed.
the birth of my second child was actually a pleasant experience because of my epidural- i was completely lucid and pain free (except for some minor menstrual like cramping and the need to push) through the whole thing, and it was great. but i must say, if my doctor had given me an episiotomy i would have ended up with a small incision in a controlled area, rather than a second degree tear up the left side of my vagina. episiotomies definitely have their place, when the aren’t given frivolously… if i was going to have more children, i might opt for a water birth next just for the experience, though. oh- and when describing labor and child birth to friends who curious, i always tell them it feels like the “biggest turd you’ll ever take”. FUN!
The one thing my sister was most afraid of when having my nephew, aside from the pain, was pooping on the delivery table. I just thought I’d throw that out there…lol.
Obviously, I’m not a doctor, and you know me well enough to know that when I say this, I’m not trying to be a bitch or belittle you – but I wonder if maybe you wouldn’t have suffered that tear if you’d been allowed to find a comfortable pushing position, rather than having to stay on your back? It’s something to think about, anyway.
If I have a kid, I would totally consider a water birth.
They don’t have to do a complete block, you know. So you can still have sensation, but not the excruciating pain. And it’s not the birth that’s painful, anyway (that’s actually a relief), it’s the contractions that hurt. And those can go on for hours and hours and hours…
Yeah, I guess I didn’t make it clear that I know that contractions are why people opt for painkillers and such…
I just feel like if you let your body work with gravity, there’s a good chance that the contractions and such can be shortened, since they wouldn’t be working against you lying down on a table. Putting a woman on a table to remove something from her body is how you deal with a tumor, not a baby. Just my $0.02.
It’s not just childbirth. The medical industry seems to think a lot of normal human female physiology is a disease.
Amen.
I don’t like pain, and as long as me and baby survive and are ok at the end of it, I really don’t mind getting doped up for birth. I want to be INFORMED and doped up however, so I am going to do plenty of research on the pros and cons of medication.
I would expect no less from you…lol.
Yay!
And with the girls, the complication had nothing to do with my hips (I got me some big ‘uns for my tiny size, though they were pretty painfully separated by the time I went into labor, lulz). Their heads were locked in utero with Twin A presenting feet-first, and the downward pull into the birth canal could have killed them both. I am the Queen of Weird and Rare Complications ;)
And you know, most bad natural tears can be averted or lessened in intensity by perineal massage, which no doctor or nurse is likely to sit there and give you. Strike eleventy-billion against highly medicalized birth, I suppose: they’d rather cut you to your arsehole than spend awhile rubbing your vagina. Time is money, I guess?
I’m wondering if what that male midwife (lulz, that does sound silly) was trying to relate was the cons of replacing natural oxytocin released during delivery through introducing pitocin in an attempt to make labor progress more quickly. Oxytocin has natural bonding qualities that allow mothers who are able to produce it through more natural labor/delivery to bond to their babies more quickly and easily on a primal level than those who do not release the hormone thanks to some disruption in the natural childbirth process. It doesn’t mean those moms won’t bond to their kids (uh, pretty sure I’m bonded to bbgurls, HA), but it does mean that it may be more difficult for them and/or it may not be as immediate a sensation as it is for the other women. They may also be more prone to PPD as a result.
The connecting factor would be that a lot of women consent to pitocin during labor and wind up with epidurals because pitocin makes contractions ten thousand times worse pain-wise (and about half as effective, which kind of defeats the point of using it to “help” with labor considering it more often leads to c-sections that would have been otherwise unnecessary because OH, suddenly the woman is “failing to progress”, eh?).
I could ramble about this all day, you know that, hahahaha.
That’s right…I totally forgot about their position in the womb, though I knew it couldn’t be something as simple as your hips or something.
Hell…the docs can let the hubby/SO give perineal massage – everyone wins!
Yeah, I thought about the oxytocin thing, too…and pitocin bothers the hell out of me.
Interesting post.
Thanks.
Totally unrelated to this, but Paul wants a Cloud update. Is that possible? He must be loving the summer.
Yeah! I’ll message you both shortly.