Okay, before I start this story, and because this information is relevent to the story, I have an announcement to make:
I am bi-sexual (some of you already know this), and I’m polyamorous (I don’t think anyone except like, one reader knows this). Those are two titles I’ve carried for more than half of my life, but have hidden for the most part because of expectations. I expect my dad to have a heart attack if he ever reads this entry, for example. Sorry, Dad.
Monogamy has NEVER worked for me. NEVER. There’s always something lacking in the person I’m with, and I will find it in someone else, and because I’ve chosen a main mate who isn’t into sharing, I have to break up with them to do anything with the new person, and so on, and so forth. I’ve basically been in a polyamory-driven rebound for the past 10 years.
So now that THAT’S out of the way…
There’s a friend I’ve had for some 8 years in person…I knew him for perhaps 2 years online before then.
When I first met him, I was 19, a wild child, doing pretty much everything I wasn’t supposed to after the end of my first major relationship/engagement. We walked around Midtown and talked (I was visiting from St. Louis for the weekend, I believe), and while flirting occurred, there wasn’t much of a spark, I’ll be honest. He was nearly 10 years older, working a steady job, had just cut off his hair for practical reasons, and was (and still is) a major geek. I didn’t “get” the whole geek thing for a couple of years, so I kind of wrote him off romantically, but we’ve stayed friends.
In fact, he was at the blog meet I held the day before Wasband left me. El oh el.
So after that, dramadramadrama, I haven’t heard from him or anyone else for a while because I’m trying to take care of my own shit, but then he calls me a few weeks ago and starts talking to me about some weird chick he was pseudo-dating but who didn’t want to “label” their relationship, etc. This chick sounded more than a little like me, but apparently she’d done some serious lying and a few diversion tactics, which my friend didn’t appreciate.
In appreciation of me talking to him (he ended it, and by that I mean he’s not talking to her at all any more), he took me out to dinner. SUSHI OMG HOW I’D MISSED YOU.
As a funny aside, the woman who was to hire a new assistant, and who had me sit in for an entire day of training to make sure I’d get along with everyone? And then gave the job to someone else just because she had a Master’s degree (she ADMITTED this, I assume because she thought she’d never see me again)? Yeah, she and her daughter were there. It was the most awesome Awkward Turtle moment of the past year, and I enjoyed every second of being incredibly nice to her while she kept avoiding my gaze and acting skitchy. Win.
Anyway, he and I had our dinner, talked a bit, and that was that.
He recently had surgery to repair a hernia in a “sensitive” area (okay, I’ll say it – behind his balls), and asked me if I’d come keep him company Friday night. I did more than that – I brought a couple of friends, Chinese food, and movies.
I also brought alcohol, and proceeded to drink too much because I was in the company of three guys:
- Recovering from surgery, just realized he was attracted to everything about me, but I didn’t want to hurt him, literally or figuratively. His name, from now on, is Kevin.
- Has carried a torch for me for over 10 years, and is kind of my bowling buddy. Not attracted to him, he’d also let me get away with anything, and that’s the last thing I need, EVER.
- Don’t talk to him much, but would have a night of debauchery with him unmatched by anything I’ve done before, but whom I wouldn’t ever date.
Clearly, drinking was my best option. /sarcasm
I actually kept really good control of myself. Kevin and I went to his room (kept door closed to keep out cats, because they like to jump on him, and hellooooo, recovering from surgery) a couple of times; once for him to show me his handguns (he didn’t want the other guys coming in because he didn’t know them well enough, so I made loud sex noises to make them laugh and keep them entertained in the hallway), and the second time to put up his acupuncture chart that he’d dragged out to show me.
I hugged him on impulse, and I don’t know WHY I did this, but I said something along the lines of, “You know I can’t ever be what you need, right?” (He wants a life partner because he’s STILL nearly 10 years older than I am and feels the biological clock ticking or something, and I’d already told him the announcement I made at the beginning of this post.)
Apparently I’m a psychic drunk, because he said, “I know. I don’t care.” Something to that effect.
I asked him if he could take me with a grain of salt, he said yes, and next thing I know, we’re making out. (Mom? Yeah, kind of lied to you about this part.)
DRAMA LLAMA came to visit with the other guys, but that’s been taken care of, I think. And it was because Debauchery yelled at Bowling Buddy for being a puss and hanging out with me in the hopes of scoring while knowing he won’t, or something like that. They’re like an old married couple.
Kevin and I made plans to hang out on Sunday evening, and I went ahead and planned to stay the night, because hello, he’d just had surgery, so there was pretty much no chance of either one of us violating the other, and we needed to talk about what had happened Friday, and work out anything that would possibly cause a problem.
Long story short (yeah, right, I’m already nearing 1,000 words), we’re basically in an open relationship. Kevin said that as long as I talk to him about stuff, and as long as I’m careful, he doesn’t mind. I’m not a complete slut, and I’m brutally honest, so I don’t foresee any problems.
He knows that I have a trip planned to visit an ex-boyfriend, and that this ex and I WILL be sleeping together, because that’s how we roll. He also knows a chick might be involved. His reaction? He’s thankful for my honesty, and says he doesn’t mind.
I got lucky. Usually, when I get drunk, I end up with a Mistake.
This time, I ended up with a good guy who supports my lifestyle, and knows that if he ever gets a wandering eye, I’ll just expect the same directness and honesty from him (and safety, of course). If/When he decides that monogamy is more his thing, we’ll deal with it then.
Right now? I’m just going to enjoy myself and bask in the glory of being with a Nice Guy.