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YGTBFKM – Yes, folks, it’s back today. With an extra letter: “Foxtrot”.

Britney’s “triumphant” return to performing was last night. (LINK TO VIDEO)

Now, I don’t usually agree with the AP when they say things like:

As in most train wrecks, it was hard to focus on just one thing as the Britney Spears disaster unfolded. There was just so much that went wrong.

I mean, this is the sensationalist news source that brought us “foraging for food” vs. “looting” during Katrina. You know…details.

However, in this case, I can agree. She was distracted, and while she DIDN’T actually stop lip-synching anywhere in here, she started lip-synching to a different part of the track toward the end (the “whoa”s and “oooh”s), and it looks, in a word, awkward.

I can’t agree that she was “fat”, though. She’s not in her best shape, but she’s had two kids. Give her a break, guys. Yeah, her outfit choice probably wasn’t awesome, but whatever. Bygones.

At the end, she smiles this self-satisfied, “Holy crap, I made it through!” grin, and you can see that she’s been chewing gum the whole time. Or so it would appear to me, anyway.

The guests at the VMAs seem unsure of what to do at the end. The ones that the camera cuts to (did anyone else notice how FEW audience reactions were recorded during this event? That says a lot, especially for MTV, which is a network that freakin’ thrives on audience reactions during their award ceremonies) look like they’re merely clapping because the little lighted sign told them to – not that they actually enjoyed themselves.

I know this doesn’t seem like relevant news, but for fuck’s sake – this is what a lot of girls looked up to 10 years ago. Even 5 years ago, it seemed Britney was on top, and could do no wrong. Now?

Well, how did the AP put it?

At times she just stopped singing altogether, as if even she knew nothing could save her performance.

Yeah, that about sums up Britney’s life, right there. How sad. I mean, really.

Edit: While I was typing the bit about the burgers, this piece from X17 Online came to light, wherein the spin doctors attached to Britney’s hair extensions begin to tell a familiar tale: Her bad performance wasn’t her fault. (warning: this page takes a while to load, and may not work on some office computers due to website content)

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This isn’t much of a jump (har har), but apparently you can be arrested for salting a burger too much at a McDonald’s. Employees, take note.

It’s the “hot coffee” all over again. Buyer beware, yo. Anything you eat that’s prepared by someone else carries some risk, whether you’re eating at Ruth’s Chris or Taco Bell. And the risk becomes exponentially larger the further down the chain you go. That’s just the way it is. Now, it’s really not a HUGE risk, even at the lowest rung. But people fuck up, and things happen.

I also agree with the employee that if the cop didn’t like his burger, he should have brought it in and either gotten a refund or an “exchange”. I’m of the opinion that if you ate the whole thing hoping it would get better, you can’t bitch later when it turns out that the whole thing sucked.

For a cop to do this sort of thing is an abuse of power.

Kick him in the nuts? I’d love to!

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Speaking of stupid cops, they’ve reached a verdict in the cop-aims-at-snake-and-kills-boy case.

What’s the difference between second-degree manslaughter and negligent homicide?

Both imply that it was an accident, and I agree that they didn’t kill the boy on purpose…but I would have expected negligent homicide in this case, because they were negligent…and it resulted in basically a murder, regardless of how accidental it was. Anyone? Bueller? Please enlighten me.

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Tell me why anyone moves to England, again?

Please tell me you’re all not that retarded, Britain. Please. Because your accents are awesome, and it would be a shame if we had to firebomb your country.

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I think this article on stripper poles in a little biased.

While I agree that stripper poles in a frat house probably aren’t a great idea, I see nothing wrong with women doing that sort of thing for fitness or recreation in a safe environment. It’s not degrading – it’s a lot of fun.

A friend of mine runs a pole school in Seattle, WA, and gets nothing but glowing reviews from her students. It’s a highly-structured environment, and the ones who are just there because “har har, i can b a strippur” are weeded out fairly quickly (usually, they’re too stupid to click on the map links, or to figure out the payment system). Look at Krisha in those photos. Seriously. Tell me that’s not an awesome workout. The woman probably only has 2% body fat. FROM POLE-DANCING. All she does is teach.

Conan O’Brien featured a pole dancer on his show, and even took the pole for a spin, but I can’t find the video…man, that sucks. That was freakin’ hysterical, too.

Anyway, I think it’s unfair to label anything that happens in a frat house as degrading everywhere. Sex and drinking happen in frat houses at parties, but are they degrading everywhere else? Nope. HMMMM…WHAT IS THE LINK HERE?

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In “News That Makes You Go ‘Duh’”, apparently racism isn’t the white man holding the black man down. Imagine that.

 

3 comments to YGTBFKM – Yes, folks, it’s back today. With an extra letter: “Foxtrot”.

  • Mr. Fabulous

    Plus, you missed the biggest Britney news of all. I have decided not to marry her.

  • Alcibiades McZombie

    Couldn’t a similar workout be achieved from parallel bars?

  • Squeaky Wheel

    Fab – Well, now that you’ve announced it, there’s no need for me to.

    Alcibiades – Yes and no. Pole dancing is easy for the average woman to do – it uses the same muscle groups as parallel bars, but it takes MUCH less effort to launch yourself around a bar than it does to launch yourself over it. Also, the flexibility isn’t there on parallel bars…there are only so many tricks you can do before it really becomes…I hate to say it…boring. There are hundreds of moves you can do on a horizontal dancing pole, however. And unlike traditional gymnastics, height is NOT a factor in pole-dancing.