Dear Girl Down the Hall,
That pinata might be “cute”, but no one wants to hit their head on an over-sized whorish shoe while on their way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, especially when it’s empty, thus giving them no chance of getting any candy should they bust it in their nocturnal wanderings. Please take it down.
-Your “Dorm Mother”
Why would you think that it’s okay to call me on my cell phone at 7:30 in the morning to tell me stuff I already know? Are you THAT desperate for control? If so, therapy might be in order. You’re not HR. Get over it.
-Not Your Employee, Thank God
Bless you for helping me to realize that WHN’s influence only extends as far as her own skin. You’ve kept me from going nuts during this whole interview process, and I look forward to working with you, as I think you’ll do the same once I’m in the office.
-The Not-So-Temporary Employee
You are so not made of fail. Thanks for keeping me in LOLcats.
I realize that you’re a comparable hottie, especially to all of these young, impressionable girls here in the dorm, but could you please keep your “math tutoring” down to a dull roar? The heating vents carry sound quite well, and your accent isn’t as hard to understand as you might think.
-The Gal Who Lives Above You
Dear Employee of The Bucc,
I asked for a CHEESEBURGER. Usually, that includes cheese. FYI for next time.
-The Girl Who Always Asks for Tater Tots, To-Go
Dear Banana Republic Pants,
WHY must you attract every fiber of hair and fuzz within a 10-mile radius? Especially when I have to leave for a concert in 20 minutes? Screw you. Seriously.
Fuzzy and Pissed,
-The One Who Doesn’t HAVE to Take You to the Dry Cleaners
Ahhhh. That was pretty therapeutic. I might do that more often.