My doc says my migraines are “interesting.”
Short list of why:
1. They only occasionally include vertigo.
2. They only occasionally include nausea.
3. Caffeine use is like throwing a pebble at a male hippo when you’re swimming naked in the middle of his river (i.e. he may stop and consider you for a minute, but chances are good he’s going to charge after you and fuck your shit up).
4. Even without the migraine-like symptoms (which include photophobia and vomit-inducing hyperacusis), my head has hurt, consistently (I even dream about head pain) for nearly 3 full weeks.
5. Vertigo these past few weeks has ALWAYS been followed by a psychogenic seizure (the revealing of which didn’t make her bat an eye – I’m the “water cooler” patient in that office, I’m sure of it).
6. Panic attacks usually lead up to the vertigo. Not always, because sometimes I can breathe my way out of them, but I’ve had several, and my pulse rate (I have a home monitor…my BP is awesome because of meds, so my pulse has been a good indicator of something being wrong) has hung over 110 for quite a few days, now. It was 112 at the doc’s office, while my BP was 108/65.
Now, I’m pretty sure I have what are called transitional migraines. Essentially, your brain’s nerves go “fuck this shit” and toss the load onto the vessels surrounding, and they bear the brunt, leading to throbbing and consistent pain, rather than the usual neurological stuff that comes with the usual migraine territory. That’s how I understand it, anyway. Before I did my own research, though, I took the meds the doc gave me on Wednesday, late morning, and ended up having a rebound migraine this morning that left me vomiting when Forrest’s alarm went off – I missed work, and am pissed about it.
After reading up on rebound and transitional migraines, and thinking about it seriously and in as detached a manner as possible (considering that I’ve reached the point where chopping my own head off sounds like a good idea), I’ve come to this conclusion that they’re what’s happening, especially considering how I reacted to the medication (this reaction is really common in transitional migraines).
What to do?
Well, it looks like diet change is my best bet, right now. I was given medication, it didn’t work to the point of making me worse, I’m wearing a bite guard at night in case of bruxism (I’m a little stressed, lately – a lot on my plate, with little time to finish stuff), and I’m tapering my caffeine intake. In another couple of weeks, I’ll call the doc, if these methods haven’t worked, and talk about changing my anxiety meds (I’m currently on a “maintenance” regimen of Valium, 5mg BID, and I think my body’s like, “So…what’s with this little orange pill thing? What’s it do?”), because I’ve been having full-on panic attacks.
So we’ll see what happens there, I guess. Happy thoughts are still welcome, because nothing’s really changed except that my doctor has confirmation, yet again, that I’m a weird patient.
Also, who shrugs at seizures? I guess the fact that I knew they were psychogenic (basically, the body’s reaction to stress, rather than the brain going batshit, as is the case with epilepsy) impressed her enough to trust me? I don’t know. I was a little nonplussed at her reaction, though.
In “good” news (I only put it in quotes because of other implications), my PAP from last week was clean. No abnormal cells…or if there were any, they fell within normal parameters and are nothing to worry about.
Now, I put that in quotes because it means we’ve officially run out of reasons why my cervix is the only part of my female anatomy that cramps when I’m on my period. Seriously – the ovaries do nothing, the uterus does nothing. I know what both ovarian and uterine cramps feel like, and they’re just not involved, or if they are, the cervix is like MY SHOW, BITCHES, and is washing them out by being a fucking drama queen from hell.
Not that I’m not ridiculously happy it’s not cancer or something awful like that. I don’t have HPV. I don’t have anything that’s life-threatening. I just have ridiculous periods, apparently. THANKS, GENETICS.
They were fine for a few years, then went bad, then got better, and now they’re the worst they’ve ever been. My fingers are peeling at a ridiculous rate (through informal polling, I’ve found this to be a common symptom among those suffering from autoimmune disorders), and now the migraines.
I hate to be all O GOD MY LIFE, but if this is what a recurrence of Lyme feels like, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. If I had the money for the blood test, I would do it right now, because I have this feeling that something other than the “yeah, you’ve been infected, before, but we don’t know when” antibodies would show up. As it is, I have to scrounge up $100 to pay for the cooter-scraping from last Monday. The basic test I’d need is over $200, and the full work-up is $600. BWAHAHAHA.
Aren’t you glad you read my blog? I go all serious and GUNS WOOO for a few days, then this comes back. MY LIFE IS AWESOME.
I’m finding ways to laugh about it, though. That’s always good. Somehow, the thought of the doctors in my office gathering around the water cooler to talk about how fucking weird I am makes me giggle.
One of my childhood friends, who’s a biologist, says I’m “a drug-interaction study waiting to happen.” Only if they paid me. :-P