With apologies to anyone harboring a crush on me.

You guys, I’m scared to fart.

Yes, for exactly the reason you’re thinking.

If anyone knows what happened to me while I was driving from STL to Memphis in 2003, this is almost worse.

At least I’m at home.

(In related news, the Walgreens version of Pepto tastes like shit.  Work on that, guys – it’s peppermint extract, not some magical potion.  Surely you can muster up a little more gusto for the people in need, eh?  Isn’t that what you guys DO?)