So apparently these photos need explanation, though I’m not sure why – they seem pretty straightforward to me…heh.
The first one was taken, granted, about four month ago, but it was in preparation for a doctor’s visit wherein I was basically going to ask them “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY FACE?” You may remember this situation from this post (from TWO YEARS ago – and that photo is from January). You can also see me talk about it in this vlog (from January). The response from the doctors, BTW, was, “Um?”
My LLMD instantly said, “your kidneys are overworked.” Well, duh. I mean, I needed a doctor to say it, but still.
You may not see a big different aside from my eyes and facial expression. That’s a lot of the response I’m getting,. Let me point out a few other things: You can see my jawline in the second photo. You can see my eyes. I can MOVE my face to make an expression in the second photo (though it does feature pursed lips…dunno why I did that, but whatevs). The first one is completely deadpan, because that’s all I could do. When I tried to smile, it felt like my face was going to blow up from the inside.
I don’t consider myself traditionally beautiful, but I’ve been told I’m pretty. I clean up well (I’m wearing makeup in the second photo, obviously), and there are days where I look in the mirror and think, “Damn, I look GOOD today!”
That first picture is a monster, to me. It’s a freakin’ monster. It’s not me. It’s this bloated mass that’s somehow stolen a conglomeration of my facial features and distorted them. My lips, nose…basically every feature except my eyes is larger, and my eyes are squished to nearly nothing (I tried to open them wide – that’s as far as I got, and y’all KNOW I can open my eyes really wide when I want to).
THAT is the difference. And both of them are me. Both of them are my face. And both of them look the way they do because I’ve had Lyme for 16 years (the second one, were I not wearing makeup, would feature under-eye hollows and forehead creases – I chose it only because I *look* healthy in that photo, and that’s the point of the mini-collage).
Here’s the thing, y’all – I can make myself look like I feel awesome. Chances are really good, however, that I woke up looking like the photo on the left. It’s not ideal, but it’s me. It’s Lyme. It affects everything.
And I hope that explanation cleared things up a bit.