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Medical update! WITH VERY IMPORTANT IRONY. And cursing. And good stuff.

So.  Dudes and dudettes.  The last time I made a surgery update (that didn’t have to do with my “cleansing prep” before a certain procedure on Wednesday), I was basically like, “Dear god, the things they’re going to have to do to me…”

First of all, my colonoscopy (there, said it) was clear.  The nodule that’s there, from the thing that’s growing between my uterus and bowel?  Is small, but yeah, it’s big enough to cause issues…just not big enough for anyone to freak out.  Everything else was fine, except for irritation from the prep, which is apparently normal.  The experience was hilarious in its way, but mostly related to the anesthesiologist:

As she injected my IV with the propophol, she said, “Goodnight, Bonnie.”

I said, “My fingernails are purple.”

“Oh, you painted them?” She replied, already looking at my monitor.

“No,” I shoved my hand in her face emphatically.  “They’re purple.  Because I’m cold.”

Next thing I know, I wake up feeling really drunk, and am shouty enough that Forrest has to keep shushing me to keep my volume down.  Propophol = drunk Bonnie.  Noted.

So that was Wednesday.  And then I had a Son of Baconator, and it was delicious.


On Thursday (yesterday), I got a phone call from my bowel surgeon’s office (you know, the egotistical one who wouldn’t give me any concrete answers, with the office staff who lost my orders, causing delays).

Here’s the awful, hilarious irony:  He’s sick and has to have abdominal surgery, and will be out for 2 months.

I shit you not.  I freaked the fuck out.  They said they were working on finding a replacement, and a name was mentioned, but I was too busy thinking, “SERIOUSLY?  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” while saying, “Okay…okay…ooookay…soo…what are we going to do?”  I was told that they’d work on it, but they weren’t quite sure what was going to happen at that point.

I proceeded to cry for hours.  I was exhausted.  I’d just gotten done starving myself and was getting back on track from that (and, you know, the side effects of the prep), had just started my new antibiotics (so far, no noticeable side effects aside from the fatigue, which is normal…my pee hasn’t started changing colors or anything), and I’m sure the fact that I started my period that morning didn’t help matters, either (pharmacy screwed up, and my painkillers aren’t available, so I’m miserably in pain).

Forrest was home sick, so I curled up with him for a few hours and just lay there while we talked about timelines and money and then…nothing.  We’re both at a point where the slightest thing going wrong does two things:  it makes him shake his head and get really quiet, which is code for, “are you fucking kidding me with this shit?” and also “I honestly don’t even know what to say, any more,”, and it makes me flip my shit in a variety of ways…usually by crying and ranting.  I’ve managed to not have a seizure in a while, but that’s not necessarily good news, because I’m still stressed, and my body’s reacting poorly.

To wit:  I have severe eczema in patches, stretching now from my shins to my chest.  I didn’t have this issue at all before July, and it freakin’ exploded around the time I was getting all of these delays and whatnot.  I’m using hydrocortizone ointment, but new ones are cropping up almost every day, it seems, and that’s stressing me out, too.  Stress eczema.  Of all things.  I’d almost rather have a seizure once a week than have this, and I’m completely serious.

ANYWAY, so on with the surgery thing.

I called my OB surgeon’s office today to make sure they were up to speed on the bowel surgeon’s situation (they’re in the same office building, within sight of each other, but as I’ve noted before, communication is a problem), and they said yes, they were, and the same name that was mentioned the day before was mentioned again.  That surgeon’s in the same building, as well (he’s an oncology surgeon…but okay, we’ll go with it), and my OB surgeon went down to talk to him PERSONALLY this morning.

I repeat:  my freakin’ OB surgeon personally went down to discuss my case with the oncology surgeon so that we could get this moving as quickly as possible.  This guy’s like Santa Claus.

Here’s some unexpected, potentially good news:  apparently the bowel portion of my surgery could be performed laparascopically, according to New Surgeon (as he shall hence be called).  As in, camera in belly, two little scars, like last time.  The issue that may have to have me opened up (and not nearly as much as I have been told in the past month) is that for the hysterectomy, due to my left fallopian tube being a jerk, Santa Claus (yep, that’s what I’m calling my OB surgeon) needs to be absolutely certain my ureter on that side is avoided.  However, the opening for that wouldn’t be enormous – it’d be vertical, but it’d be like, 4″.

I’m no longer worrying about calling my insurance with questions, because I know what my max out-of-pocket is, and I’m certain I’m still going to meet it because of location, and the fact that there are two surgeons, etc.  So the cost hasn’t changed for the surgery in that regard.

However, my recovery time could be cut IN HALF.  This potentially changes the amount of time I won’t be able to do SOMETHING to help pay bills, even if it’s just doing some tutoring.  I’m still going to have a minimum 6-week recovery because of the hysterectomy, but the risk of herniation would decrease significantly, meaning that all the things I’ve been freaking out about in terms of self-care for 3 months, not being able to sing, etc…those wouldn’t be an issue for longer than maybe 2 or 3 weeks.

I mean, I’m still cutting my hair off so I don’t have to worry about that, but otherwise?  Six weeks is vastly superior to 3 months in every way.

So pray, think really hard, go shooting, drop a deuce while burning incense…whatever it is you do while thinking happy thoughts for someone, do it, please, so that I might be able to have this not-so-awful version of the surgery.  New Surgeon is really optimistic that we can do it without too much unnecessary cutting, and I LIKE him for that, and if Santa Claus likes him and trusts him, we’re doing this…and hopefully nailing down a time frame today or Monday.  (!!!!!!!!!!!!)

ETA:  Holy shit, New Surgeon is certified with the “da Vinci” robot.  In case you’re not sure what that is, here.  Lookit.

14 comments to Medical update! WITH VERY IMPORTANT IRONY. And cursing. And good stuff.

  • Oh wow! So the WTFery may have actually turned into a good thing! That’s wonderful! And that “da Vinci” looks freaking amazing.

  • Cats Who Stare At Goats

    mometasone furoate. it’s script but it is a miracle for eczema.

    glad things are looking up (so to speak) for you. it’s always darkest before the dawn, and so forth. also, remember when the cops came and dragged me off to the hospital? it was the best thing that could have happened for me, as far as disability. it convinced the judge that i really was nuts. ;)


    • I wrote that down, and I will ask my doc next week when I go in to talk about the stress, in general, as well as other stuff related to the surgery and long-term plans.

      Every demon wants his pound of flesh.

  • Jessie

    I saw Santa Claus, myself, a couple weeks ago. He really is remarkable. (c: I love that guy!

    Sending you lots of wishes and love! I hate when people say everything happens for a reason, but.. in this case, I think that’s fitting! (c: Yay for New Surgeon!!

    • His bedside manner is ridiculously awesome. I thoroughly enjoyed freaking him out post-op by asking him questions about the procedure as he showed me photos and explained what he found…he expected me to be out of it from the anesthesia, still. It was hilarious.

      And yeah, Da Vinci (new surgeon’s name!) looks awesome on paper…we have to see if I need to meet with him, and then we’re good to go, hopefully. *fingers crossed* I really, really, hope this goes well.

      I’m totally going with Karma on the other surgeon.

  • Oh wow. I went in to this thinking I was going to have to wrestle September away from the kilted masses, but this is very good news indeed! Hooray for surgical robots!

    • We may have a wrestle, yet, but not until later. :-) There are going to be a few additional things that I have to do, but they’re not as long-lasting. I just don’t know the extent of them, yet, which is why I haven’t talked about them. I like to have some details nailed down before talking about stuff…not as much stress if it changes, that way.

      I doubt they’ll use a da vinci machine on me, but it’s just really freakin’ cool that he knows how to use one. That’s a dedicated surgeon, right there!

    • Toastrider

      I for one welcome our future robot overl– er, surgeons.

      • If I get a da Vinci used on me, I will be ridiculously happy. However, I will probably have to settle for laparoscopy. HOWEVER, that’s SO MUCH BETTER than having an 8-10″ incision, so no complaints, here!

  • Uh, good for you!
    Prayers your way, as always.