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No shoes handy? Kill a roach the convoluted way!

Guaranteed to amuse your significant other!

  1. Turn a glass upside down on it while it’s sitting on your carpet like a derp, its antennae blowing in the wind from your box fan (not kidding…it almost looked happy).
  2. Fret for a minute about how you’re going to deal with it if it scurries out while you’re trying to pick it up, or if the cats knock the glass over. Consider leaving it there until your boyfriend gets out of the shower, then see one cat reach a paw out and try to knock glass over; decide you need to take care of it yourself.
  3. Grab the Febreze and spray it on the carpet, then slide the glass over the spot so that the fumes make the roach climb up the inside of the glass (bonus: cats don’t care about Febreze, so they won’t lick it).
  4. Slide a magazine you don’t care about under the glass and pick the whole thing up, carrying it to the kitchen.
  5. Rest a minute, since fretting and bending over makes your surgery site sore and your stomach queasy.
  6. Consider leaving the glass where it is. See the other cat staring at it with great interest, decide that’s a bad idea.
  7. Take an old creamer container (who’s the hoarder in this house?!?), pour bleach in it, and have the lid ready.
  8. Tump the glass over onto the creamer container and smack the side with your hand until the roach falls into the bleach. Feel really bad about it for about 2 seconds, then put the lid on the container.
  9. Throw the magazine away and wash your hands like a madwoman.
  10. Feel terrible that the roach is swimming in bleach, and stick a paper towel in the container to soak up the excess, so the roach merely suffocates instead of drowning, because for some reason that’s better.
  11. Leave the container on the counter next to a bottle of Boric Acid for your boyfriend to deal with when he gets out of the shower.
  12. Decide to forego the nap you were about to take when you saw the roach in the first place.
  13. …profit?
S-M-R-T.

S-M-R-T.

6 comments to No shoes handy? Kill a roach the convoluted way!