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Kidneys are clean now, got a psych referral, and also a job-ish thing?

Life has been too exciting, lemme tell ya.

I took a week’s worth of cipro for my kidneys, and that was some STRONG stuff, because I ended up getting thrush, despite also taking an anti-fungal and some pro-biotics. That cleared up, though, thankfully.

I had my re-check yesterday, peed in a cup, it was clear, YAY.

However, the reason I probably got the infection? My bladder doesn’t seem to be able to decide whether I have to pee or not, so I will often not know my bladder is full until it’s nearly too late. Conversely, sometimes I desperately feel like I have to pee, and nothing will happen. The urine hanging around so long isn’t flushing things adequately, and bam – kidney infection because my immune system is also shit.

I’ve been given the name of a urogynecologist, and will see her in the future to see if I got nerve damage from my surgery. At least I’m not incontinent. :-P Yet.


I’ve been feeling…odd, lately, which is why I haven’t updated. I’m doing a sort of “this is how it is” update because I need to, but it’s hard for me to work up any enthusiasm for anything, right now. Sorry, guys and gals.

I can feel annoyed, but any other feeling or emotion is like my brain is shrugging and staring at the floor. Forrest had a death in the family, and I was like, “Oh, that’s horrible!” but my brain was like, “Eh” in terms of actually showing the proper emotion. I WAS upset, but I couldn’t FEEL upset, if that makes sense?

It’s not just strong emotions, either. Getting happy about something results in me thinking “oh, i like this!” and then my brain not…doing anything with that information. I will laugh if something’s funny, then immediately go back to being deadpan. It’s so fucking weird.

The closest description I have is that it’s like having outrage fatigue for LIFE. It’s like a denial that reactions are sometimes necessary to get things done, and when I try to fake those reactions, it comes off looking really awkward.

I’m also having some weird flashback things…I feel emotion for those, but it’s more of a panic than anything else…so I brought up getting a psych consult with my doctor, and she gave me a name. I’m going to call on Monday and get things sorted, because clearly something’s going on that needs to be addressed.

My doc made sure that the person I got the referral to has experience with PTSD, so it’s good she recognizes that things aren’t just related to my Lyme.


I have a friend who’s the EiC of Indie Game Mag, and he talked about needing writers for things a while back. I was in the midst of talking to lawyers about disability, and so I was like, “Wish I could help!” Well, now that the lawyers have said “um, we can’t help you,” and the SSI office keeps putting me on hold indefinitely (every time, they say, “Oh, um, I need to check something…” and then it’s like, 20-30 minutes of being on hold, someone picks up the phone, says something unintelligible, and then puts me on hold, again – I seriously can’t do that shit), I figured, fuck it, I need something to do, and it’s not like I’d have a lot of demands on my time if I’m just writing a blurb every so often, right?

So I’m doing assignments every Monday and Wednesday (news pieces given to me by the EiC), pieces highlighting games that devs have posted on the forum directly, and I even have a review that’s going to be in the magazine that’s being e-published in April (it started off as someone else’s piece, she had bad luck with the game, I helped her, turns out she couldn’t use my experiences with the game in her review, and I was asked to do the review, instead, since I had some more comprehensive things to add due to getting a bit farther in the game).

It’s not a huge money-maker, and we’re not even getting paid right now, but it’s something to do, and as soon as some stuff gets organized in terms of assignments (we’ve had some overlap – people writing things when someone else beats them to it, etc.), I think it’s going to go really well.

I have a few pieces up on the main site now, and will have my first piece up on the mobile site as of later this morning.

It’s not very demanding. I literally just describe what the games are, post a picture and a video (if there is one), and publish it (it takes about 30 minutes if the dev includes all of the relevant links). I’m not even in the more-contested realm of reviews, officially, so I don’t anticipate any flak.

So that’s a thing I’m doing.

…and that’s pretty much it, for now. Life is, as I said, terribly exciting.

2 comments to Kidneys are clean now, got a psych referral, and also a job-ish thing?