My morning has been…different.
I woke up early (around 5am) because my stomach was doing that “FEED ME, SEYMOUR” thing where it growls and hurts, but, with it being 5am, I wanted to sleep. I finally got about another hour of sleep, interspersed with Sophie crawling on my face (for some reason, she thinks that’s the fastest way to get anywhere), and Forrest’s alarm.
I checked my email for responses to my queries for work (the “concerned father” article, for those of you on FB), saw nothing (this means I basically get to speculate and write whatever I want, so I’m okay with it) and decided to try to make something to eat, as my stomach had calmed down a bit, but I was feeling lightheaded.
I began to make my standard omelette, which consists of quite a number of spices in the egg, and cheese inside/on top. It’s easy, it’s quick, and it gives me a good amount of protein.
The omelette broke, because the pan wasn’t hot enough to keep the egg from sticking, but I was able to salvage it, since it’d be folded, anyway.
I reached into the cheese drawer, pulled out a bag of colby-jack, opened it, and sprinkled a generous portion over the omelette in the pan.
That’s when I noticed the smell.
It reminded me of a room full of sweaty feet (when you’re in marching band, you can place that smell really quickly).
I looked at the bag, and noticed the date on it. June. There was no visible mold, but that cheese was GONE.
Gagging, I threw it all away, sprayed a generous portion of air freshener around the kitchen, and decided that destroyed eggs would be better. Thankfully, this endeavor proved more fruitful.
I get back to my room, and immediately spill hot coffee on my crotch.
Then my breakfast came back up.
It’s not even noon. Can I get a do-over?