“Oh, man, I’ve got facial creases that make Yoda look like a teenager!”
“When I back up, I should have one of those beeping machines to warn people that my ass is on the way…’beep beep!’ Hahaha!”
“I feel like I need to lose ten pounds on my neck alone! Look at this wattle!”
I mean, seriously.
Folks, I’m not skinny. I’m what is commonly referred to as “solid” if you’re feeling friendly, and “overweight” if you’re a medical professional. I’ve been called “stout” on more than one occasion, particularly when my German heritage is learned.
I have curves.
Some of those curves are dimpled with cellulite.
Some of them sag in a way that no mid-20s woman should ever sag, but hey, my mom says I was born old, so whatever. (i’ve also lost and gained a lot of weight in a relatively short space of time, so the skin’s just kind of had it)
I have “wings”. Even when I flex, there’s a good bit of flesh that just kind of hangs out under my arm, waving at passerby.
My thighs could cause a forest fire if I were to ever wear corduroy (I stopped wearing it a couple of years ago).
I may demure when someone compliments me, because I realize that I do have flaws, but what the fuck is wrong with saying “thank you” when someone tells you that you look nice?
Nothing. NOTHING is wrong with it.
I may not be entirely happy with how I look, but it’s MY BODY. Fuck, if I’m not happy with it, who else is going to be? It’s true that people say I’m beautiful and attractive and sexy, etc., etc., etc., but if I don’t believe it at some level, it’s just not true, and no amount of complimentary commentary from the peanut gallery is going to make any difference.
I can’t stand it when women stand in a circle and bitch to each other about how ugly they are.
I also can’t stand it when guys stand around in a circle and bitch about how ugly a particular woman is.
The guys, at least, can be classified as assholes…you can avoid them and not have to hear the nasty comments any more.
But the women are around themselves constantly. And the more you say something, the more it’s going to be true, particularly if it’s about something you’re around every day.
“I hate my job.” You say this enough times, and you’re going to quit.
“Oh, my GOD, he is so annoying!” Say this enough times about an SO, and you’re going to break up.
“My thighs are so fucking huge.” Nothing like a shame spiral to drag you toward the emotional eatery side of things.
How’s this, ladies: instead of having “put-down” contests with each other, how about you actually try COMPLIMENTING each other without the derogatory sideline?
Example: A girl you know just got her hair cut, and she comes over to say hi to you and a few of your friends. It looks cute. You tell her so. She says, “thanks!” You guys discuss where she went, who did her hair, how much it cost, and then move on to other topics.
This is preferable to, say, telling her her hair looks cute and then saying, “Gawd, my hair is so GREASY. I can never get it to do anything I want!” which just results in a game of “Who’s the Most Miserable?”
Then you just look like an attention-whoring bitch with low self-esteem.
This message brought to you by This Isn’t High School Anymore, Ladies, So Let’s Get On With It, which is a book I’ve just been inspired to write.