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How is this attractive?

“Oh, man, I’ve got facial creases that make Yoda look like a teenager!”

“When I back up, I should have one of those beeping machines to warn people that my ass is on the way…’beep beep!’ Hahaha!”

“I feel like I need to lose ten pounds on my neck alone! Look at this wattle!”

I mean, seriously.

Folks, I’m not skinny. I’m what is commonly referred to as “solid” if you’re feeling friendly, and “overweight” if you’re a medical professional. I’ve been called “stout” on more than one occasion, particularly when my German heritage is learned.

I have curves.

Some of those curves are dimpled with cellulite.

Some of them sag in a way that no mid-20s woman should ever sag, but hey, my mom says I was born old, so whatever. (i’ve also lost and gained a lot of weight in a relatively short space of time, so the skin’s just kind of had it)

I have “wings”. Even when I flex, there’s a good bit of flesh that just kind of hangs out under my arm, waving at passerby.

My thighs could cause a forest fire if I were to ever wear corduroy (I stopped wearing it a couple of years ago).

I may demure when someone compliments me, because I realize that I do have flaws, but what the fuck is wrong with saying “thank you” when someone tells you that you look nice?

Nothing. NOTHING is wrong with it.

I may not be entirely happy with how I look, but it’s MY BODY. Fuck, if I’m not happy with it, who else is going to be? It’s true that people say I’m beautiful and attractive and sexy, etc., etc., etc., but if I don’t believe it at some level, it’s just not true, and no amount of complimentary commentary from the peanut gallery is going to make any difference.

I can’t stand it when women stand in a circle and bitch to each other about how ugly they are.

I also can’t stand it when guys stand around in a circle and bitch about how ugly a particular woman is.

The guys, at least, can be classified as assholes…you can avoid them and not have to hear the nasty comments any more.

But the women are around themselves constantly. And the more you say something, the more it’s going to be true, particularly if it’s about something you’re around every day.

“I hate my job.” You say this enough times, and you’re going to quit.

“Oh, my GOD, he is so annoying!” Say this enough times about an SO, and you’re going to break up.

“My thighs are so fucking huge.” Nothing like a shame spiral to drag you toward the emotional eatery side of things.

How’s this, ladies: instead of having “put-down” contests with each other, how about you actually try COMPLIMENTING each other without the derogatory sideline?

Example: A girl you know just got her hair cut, and she comes over to say hi to you and a few of your friends. It looks cute. You tell her so. She says, “thanks!” You guys discuss where she went, who did her hair, how much it cost, and then move on to other topics.

This is preferable to, say, telling her her hair looks cute and then saying, “Gawd, my hair is so GREASY. I can never get it to do anything I want!” which just results in a game of “Who’s the Most Miserable?”

Then you just look like an attention-whoring bitch with low self-esteem.

This message brought to you by This Isn’t High School Anymore, Ladies, So Let’s Get On With It, which is a book I’ve just been inspired to write.

7 comments to How is this attractive?

  • LOL. This sort of thing is exactly why my daughter chose more often than not to hang out with boys through most of high school. After a while she couldn’t stand the girls’ behavior. Guys, she said, are just more honest.

    As for your supposed physical flaws, if they really what you say they are, why don’t they seem to show up in your photographs?

    In my experience, most people — even stunningly gorgeous people — will think they’re unattractive unless & until someone tells them otherwise. Repeatedly. And even then there’s self-doubt.

    Whether or not you “believe it at some level,” repeated compliments on your appearance should at LEAST be accepted as evidence of how people perceive you, whether or not you agree with them. But knowledge of that perception often sneakily changes your own perception of yourself.

  • Squeaky Wheel

    The places that I’m speaking about don’t show up in photos because they’re covered up with clothing. :-) You won’t catch me in a bikini, though, because I’m not the body type they had in mind when they created that thing, and I know it.

    I like hanging out with guys more often, too. As I get older, I find that I’m able to pick out the women who are the LEAST self-deprecating, and through not speaking badly of myself and trying to play those stupid games with them, they start reciprocating, until we have, you know, actual conversations about STUFF, rather than OMG I’M SO FAT.

  • While it’s wonderfully convenient to sport physical traits in harmony with one’s super-sexy brain, it’s not absolutely necessary– I’ve been so smitten with a writer whom I’d never seen that I was convinced I’d love to lick his brain. I think women who talk self-shredding smack constantly are incredibly insecure and they bore the life out of me. By all means, let’s all focus on our fabulousness, but that self-immolation shit should have died with the dark ages. Thank goodness all women aren’t like that.

  • pdb

    I could stand to hear some advice on how to compliment a woman I’m not and would not be, and am not trying to be, involved with, without sounding like Uncle Creepy.

    This may be a tall order.

  • pdb, my wife once asked a wise supervisor at her job when an unwanted comment by a man would constitute sexual harassment. She replied, “when he’s ugly, dear.”

  • Squeaky Wheel

    Phlemmy – Same here (well, except for that brain licking thing…), and yes, I agree that more women should focus on fabulousness.

    pdb – See what David said…haha. And nowadays, you’d be hard-pressed to compliment anyone without either sounding like you’re trying to hit on them or like you’re being a jackass. I will never understand that. A compliment is a compliment. It’s only when it’s applied with unwanted proximity that it becomes a problem. I fail to see how someone telling me my hair is pretty is some sort of insult. So I guess I can’t help you – I’m apparently Abby Normal.

    David – I’ve heard that somewhere before – the sad thing is, people actually act like that!

  • I really like this post….I’ve got one from the other side of the spectrum, being a curvy lady as well. ;)