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I really want to express myself…

…but I’m never sure how angry I can get at my situation before people start acting like I shouldn’t be angry.

And I’m really angry about my situation, for a number of reasons, some of which I haven’t shared, because they’re not exactly tied into anything that’s relevant to anyone else.

But again – how much bitching is too much?

I already don’t share a lot of my life other than Lyme on here, because…nothing is happening in my life aside from that, really.


So I never really know what to say when I really need a good whinge.

And I kind of need one, right now.


But I also unfortunately need to try to eat something so I can take my meds and go to bed.

So we’ll see how that goes.

Yesterday was pretty neat!

My dad picked me up, and we went to get sushi (well, I got sushi…he got some combination plate with teriaki chicken, seafood, veggies, and rice). I actually got him to try a piece of my tempura shrimp roll. He pronounced it “okay.”

After that, we had freakin’ 3.5 hours to kill before the movie, so we went to Target, Best Buy and Sports Authority, where I got a few items with birthday money (it was basically insisted that I spend it on fun stuff – but I got practical items, because I have an aversion to fun, apparently), and killed my feet.

I was leaning on a cart the whole time I was at Target, but I didn’t have that luxury at Best Buy or Sports Authority, so yeah, my dogs are barking, today.

Oh, I got this gum called Quench? And it’s HORRIBLE. I stuck a piece in my mouth and had instant buyer’s remorse. Be warned, it’s one minute of citric acid making your life terrible, another minute of some sort of attempt at a fruit flavor, and then it dies faster than Juicy Fruit.

After all that, we headed to the theater and got our tickets – and it’s a good thing we got them when we did, because the theater was packed!

No, I didn’t see Guardians of the Galaxy – I don’t like seeing big action movies in theaters – they give me a headache.

We saw Boyhood.

It’s really freakin’ good.

And the theater was epic – huge, cushy, leather seats with these double-wide armrests, and it was actually cold in there (how I like it – I always bring a sweater like an old lady, but I feel cozy), and there was enough room in the seat for me to pull my legs up and just curl up, like I was at home.

Then I came home and found out that my laptop AND desktop are both vehemently refusing to show me my own damned charity stream. But if you’d like to check it out, it’s going through tomorrow night at midnight, and it’s for The Trevor Project (aka “It Gets Better”):

And with that, I’m going to try to rest before my body realizes I’m not in the bathroom.

Not the weirdest place I’ve ever spent a birthday…

…but not exactly pleasant.

It turns out the combination of antibiotics I’m on have the unfortunate interaction to cause ALL OF THE GASTROINTESTINAL DISTRESS.


I’m nauseated, my gallbladder hurts, my stomach feels icky, my intestines hurts, and I’m starting to amass items in the bathroom that will amuse me between bouts of puking and/or pooping.

I give zero fucks whether y’all are grossed out by this admission. This is fucking miserable.


I’m taking my probiotics, so hopefully I won’t come down with c. difficil. Though I hear they can cure that with a poop transplant, so at the same time…eh?

This shit had better work. No pun intended.


My Lyme has relapsed.

I’m starting back on antibiotic treatment ASAP. It’s going to be more aggressive, with variants that also address Bartonella (which we can’t rule out – it was a possibility in May, as well) added to the mix. Instead of 2 at a time, I’ll now be on 3.

The mastoid-cell infection was the harbinger. It was either a reaction to my immune system being depressed, or a flare-up of an infection that was already settling there when I got diagnosed the first time around (see: multiple tonsillitis and lymph involvement prior). I figured, because I was under the impression (or at least hoping) that my Lyme was in remission, that it was just my body being stupid and allowing some random part to get infected, but apparently not.

See, the reason I had no idea what the hell those pockets were is because I never had a reason to. I NEVER get any sinus infections without involvement of the sinuses in my face. And those were X-rayed 2 weeks before the CT, and were clean – and the way my face/eyes have felt (as well as the amount of mucous coming out of my nose) hasn’t changed at all. I don’t have the sniffles, though I can tell I’m having allergy issues. It’s just draining straight down, and some of it’s going into my ears and just…gathering.

When I told my LLMD that this whole deal with the vertigo and migraines started a few weeks after I stopped my antibiotics for Lyme, he stopped asking questions and just went, “Oh.”

It’s funny how one word, with the right inflection, can completely pop whatever balloon of hope you’re holding.


There are other indications, and he basically clinically diagnosed me all over again, so it’s not just this one thing that we’re going off of. It’s just the most significant, because it’s so weird. I’d have to get the Igenex test, again, to be sure, but that’s $300 that I can’t afford to spend, and which would be put toward more immediate bills were I to have that money.


So last year I was all scared because it was being intimated that I might have a cancerous tumor growing outside the usual confines of such a thing, and this year my Lyme’s back in full swing.

And people wonder why I hate my birthday.


Woo! Infections! Yay!

So no one called me back about my CT results, and I left a message for my doctor’s office, yesterday, to find out what the heck is going on. I got a call back, today, in which it was assumed I’d already gotten my results, so the nurse was kind of curt with me at first.

I said that the reason I had left the message was because I hadn’t heard anything, and she immediately softened, so that’s good. I think she thought I was asking for more pain meds or something – but no, I’d like to treat the cause, kthx.

So after that, she said, “Oh, you have sinusitis. …we had to use a CT to find it because of where it is.”  So I have a sinus infection in my jaw, essentially.

I feel like yelling ‘CALLED IT!’ would be completely juvenile, and yet…

Anyway, I’m going to be on more antibiotics to treat, because my immune system is apparently still trying to get the hang of things after the Lyme treatment.

I’m irritated, but I knew this was going to happen in some form (the body going AGH WHAT’S THAT to invaders because it hasn’t worked in a while), so it’s good to know where it is and be getting some treatment for it.

And I have my Lyme appointment tomorrow, so I’ll update him on this status, and maybe things will progress some more.


The CT image CD is haunted, you guys.

I got here intending to simply write about what a smart (doctor) friend told me about the weird cavities I pointed out in the last post (they’re called mastoid air cells, more on that in a second), but when I pulled up the images on the CD that was given to me, I found a new one.

It wasn’t there last night, and one of the ones that was there last night? Isn’t there, today.

Here’s the old one (made much smaller because you’ve seen it before):

With the CRAZY EYEBALL in the upper left.

With the CRAZY EYEBALL in the upper left.

And here’s the new one (which appears to be on the same level as the fleshy one from last time):



I’m not crazy. I double-checked to make sure there were NO OTHER IMAGES yesterday, and now one that was there, before, is missing, while this one’s in its place (complete with different positioning labels that match the other fleshy image).

I’m so confused.

Anyway, this doesn’t really change what I was going to say, which is that after learning what they were, I could FINALLY looked them up to see if it’s normal for them to be different sizes, among other things, because I GOTSTA KNOW.

Apparently it’s normal for them to vary in size if you have a history of ear infections. My mom said something really vague on my Facebook yesterday that was pointed in that direction, and yes, I grew up with near-constant ear infections, so that’s the size difference explained (even with a slight head rotation in the CT, that size difference is SIGNIFICANT, I mean, LOOK AT IT).

You learn something new every day! AND, it seems that without that mastoid air cell being developed, drainage in the ears doesn’t really have a place to go (since it’s technically a sinus), so that could be causing the swelling of my ear canal, etc., at different times.

And…tah-fucking-dah, I guess.


Vertigo, migraine, CT, all that fun stuff.

Last month, before my surgery (and part of the reason I was so concerned with possible hormonal involvement, anyway), I got a bad migraine that manifested first with vertigo. The headache persisted for over a week. I was put on fioricet, which is apparently very good for some folks, but didn’t help me much. It eventually dissipated, though I’m not sure why.

This month, over a week ago (last Friday), the exact same thing happened – I was doing the same stuff as before, lounging while browsing the web on my laptop in bed, got the vertigo, then ended up with an awful headache. I’m still having that headache despite Norco (used to be lortab) and continued use of fioricet.

I had a CT scan today, because my doctor wanted to see if there was anything structurally wrong with the bones in my head, or the spaces in those bones. I got a copy on CD, because it’s what I do. (I got vertigo and blacked out during the scan, but more on that, later.)

Nothing looks remarkable to me in the front or side views, but the bottom-up is…awkward. I know my skull is pretty asymmetrical, but the disparity between that cavity on the right side (lower quadrant, outer edge, really hard to miss) and the one on the left is really weird:

As usual, click to embiggenate. Personal details removed.

As usual, click to embiggenate. Personal details removed.

The one where they move down the skull a bit and show more tissue/fluid is even weirder looking:

You can see my earlobes. That makes me giggle.

You can see my earlobes. That makes me giggle.

Also, because it’s HILARIOUS seeing my fillings, here’s a full frontal of my skull. Sexy:



Oh, I might as well show you the side view, too:

It looks like I have no bones in the front of my face, and my jaw is extra-dense.

It looks like I have no bones in the front of my face, and like my jaw is extra-dense (which it actually is from grinding my teeth).

Fun fact: the vertigo always feels like it hits me from the left side, and cleaning my left ear with Q-tips is always a gamble – sometimes the ear canal is nearly swollen shut, sometimes it’s really tender and feels like I stabbed it when I know I didn’t, and other times it’s completely “normal.”

Regarding me blacking out during the CT – I was on my back. The other two times I got vertigo? I was mostly on my back (with my head propped up by pillows). I don’t sleep on my back normally because my boobs are too heavy, so I haven’t experienced this regularly, but I think it’s very significant that I not only got vertigo, but also blacked out, when I was fully on my back and unable to right myself when the dizziness began.

So while this might be BPPV (which is REALLY common, and basically amounts to calcium deposits in your vestibular ear parts), I think it’s still worth exploring with a neurologist (because I need to see one, anyway, because my face and hands go numb and tingly with the vertigo, as well) and an ENT (because, well, ear).

I also have that pulsatile tinnitus on the left side, so again, worth exploring.


Anyway, there are some pictures of my skull and an explanation of what I’ve been up to, lately.

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Biopsy’s back! No cancer!

I figured it was better to just get to the point in the title.

The two growths were benign granulomas. There wasn’t even endometrium in there, thank god.

They’re not even suture granulomas, because the sutures have long since dissolved. They were just my body being ornery.


I asked my doc if it was possible for those things to grow on the other side of the vagina cuff (i.e. internally, where the uterus used to be attached), and he said, “Um, I’m not sure. Stop asking me good questions! You’re making me look bad!” Hahaha.

(Seriously, though, like I said in an earlier post, this is kind of a rare thing, anyway, so the chances of it growing on the side that wasn’t externally sutured is even more rare. It as just a question.)

I have my follow-up in a couple of weeks to make sure everything’s going swimmingly in the healing department, and then hopefully I’m done with this shit for a while, or for good (prefer the latter).

*jazz hands*

Out of surgery!

They removed the polyp/granuloma/whatever, and apparently there WAS endometrium (or something that looked like it, anyway) right next to it, and both growths were removed and sent to the lab. I’ll have results next week (they should be entered into my chart, which I can now access online – technology is ridiculous, y’all).


My surgery took something like 15 minutes, from the time I was wheeled into the OR to the time I was wheeled into recovery. I was making jokes and was totally cheerful, and I distinctly remember, right before I was put under, that when they gave me the shot of the muscle relaxer, I was like “I seriously love you guys. You’re going to do GREAT.” My surgeon was holding my hand (for some reason? and I wasn’t hallucinating), and he started cackling.

I woke up very thirsty, and my first question was, “How long was I out?”

I’m not sure what it is about how they wake me up from outpatient surgeries vs. inpatient, but I prefer the outpatient method. I’m awake, aware, able to hold a conversation, and I feel so much more comfortable. Lucid wake-ups are so much better than either painful waking or curse-riddled grogginess.

I had the same check-in nurse as my surgery in April, AND the same recovery nurse. That was kind of awesome.

I’m sincerely hoping that this is the last surgery I have to have for a good, long while.

The cats were very happy to have me home. They descended upon me while Forrest and I were watching Iron Man 3.

House is messy? Zero fucks given.

House is messy? Zero fucks given.

Thank you to everyone for your responses, emails, and even some donations! Things are rough, but I’m seriously hoping they turn around, soon. I’m behind on so many bills that it’s almost a joke.

My current gig, writing for the video game magazine, is okay, and hopefully it’ll start yielding a profit, soon, because with as crappy as I feel most of the time, writing is one of the only things I can do, and writing about video games is ridiculously easy to me, as most of it is subjective. I can judge a game, boy-howdy!

My sleep schedule is all messed up from the painkillers, but I suppose I should try to get some rest, now.


I hope y’all are well.